Ally the Magic Fairy!

Profile written for a Final Fantasy VII RPG. Commented on by Alina.

Character name: Ally

Hello Ally! Welcome to your worst nightmare!

Age: Unknown

In that case, I will assume that she is a dirty old lady. But let me guess what you were going for. To quote the first Lord of the Rings film, "immortal, wisest, and fairest of all the peoples." Ya. Okay. We'll just all be inadequate and flawed just to humor you! Note the sarcasm.

Height: 5' 9"

A little tall for a girl, no? Someone has been looking at too many issues of Cosmo.

Appearance: Dirty blonde hair,

It's a wig ;) I also think she wants to be an elf.

deep blue faerie wings,

Attatched with purple elastic bands.

I swear, are wings some kind of unnatural obsession among teenage girls between the ages of 14 and 16? Is this a negative side effect from watching too many episodes of Sailor Moon, Card Captor Sakura, Escaflowne? Anyone?

light in weight,

That way, the breeze will carry her off and she'll be flying! I already sense an unhealthy level of sugary-sweetness emitting from this character.

with green eyes.

History: Once was a young maiden who

Had sex, and was then no longer a maid.

lived in a deep forest with only animals as her friends.

She never learned to speak any human language, and ran around shouting "Tarzan!"

An unknown force attacked her one day,

Probably a monkey with a coconut.

And here we have the common profile trait of 'overmysteriousness'. 'Mysterious' enemies. 'Mysterious' character traits. 'Mysterious reasons'. Let me rephrase that part. Change 'mysterious' to "I'm too lazy to think up of something so I'll just be really vague and people will think that's cool because I'm leaving them their individuality and chance to think up something for themselves."

You know what would impress me more? Actual enemies and actual character traits!

changing her into a Goddess.

(Monkey) I dub ye...the ugly coconut goddess!

Of course, we don't get an actual explanation as to how this happens, or how the 'mysterious' force changes her, or why her and not someone else, and what it specifically does to render her an immortal goddess like Shiva is in the FF7 world (at least our version of it).

But, on the flipside, if she really started to annoy us, we could always just get someone to seal her into a a Cetra!

See? Your super-sugary powers and fairy goddess wings are no match for real power - a brain!

She vowed to help any mortal for the good of mankind.

Because she had nothing better to do while her cookies were in the oven.

Honestly though, she's turning out to be a pretty crappy goddess. This is mainly due to the fact that her profile leaves a bajillion unanswered questions. I mean, if she's all that, and she's sworn to protect mankind like a good little angel, then why did she let Sephiroth summon Meteor? Why not send out her little unicorns to stab it until it was reduced to dust? Or was she too busy putting on her fairy wings that day?

The real answer is because we don't know when she gets these superpowers. It doesn't matter to her, so long as she has them.

Weapon: Power over mystical creatures including dragons and unicorns. (which she is seen with often)

Even though there isn't any evidence of any unicorns on the Planet...and anyway, that's been done. And Ayana makes it look way cooler and not so girly.

And the biggest problem with the profile is...

It has absolutely nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII. So why the heck should we have put it into a FF7-based RPG?