Written for a Legend of Mana RPG. Commented on by Kaiyu and Alina.
Kaiyu says: I have another horrible profile from our dear Angsty Blue Boy. =s Heee.
Alina says: Oooh! bring it on! *puts away the Animatrix* So, if there isn't tons of angst and blue, what is it today? femininity and pink?
Kaiyu says: My friend Maddie (Who has expressed an interest in being a part of the Burning Dumpster) Sent me this; we were halfway through MSTing it yesterday when I crashed. >_o
Alina says: Awww....We should put up her msting piece.
Kaiyu says: But here we go: Angsty Elfy goddess chick.
Alina says: Ah, the pains of being immortal and forever young.
Characters name: Elania Asura
Kaiyu says: Another Elly! And apparently she is the Hindu and Buddhist god of war.
Alina says: Really? So she's a transvestite elf? Or an imitation of the mighty Shiva? (What's up with all the unoriginal vowels? Why can't people use the letters U or O?)
Kaiyu says: Hey, at least it's a transvestite.
Age: Looks 18 but is well over 10,000 years old.
Alina says: I blame this surgance of elves on Lord of the Rings. They all want to sleep with Legolas.
Kaiyu says: Legolas wasn't 10,000.
Alina says: No, he was about 3000, I think.
Kaiyu says: The Legend of Mana world, the setting of the game, wasn't even 10,000.
Alina says: So she was born before Time itself began? Niiiiice....
Kaiyu says: So she IS god.
Alina says: Random Tip #58930: You can't be a God. I mean, HONESTLY, do these people not understand the etymology of the word "godmoding"?
Occupation: Jumi Hunter
Partner: (Jumi's only): Not a Jumi
Kaiyu says: The main party of characters are all Jumi. Hence, she is our ultra-powerful bane.
Weight: How dare you ask a girl her weight! But to give you some hints she is nicely toned for a lady and not a tress of fat on her.
Kaiyu says: To give you some hints, she's a beautiful supermodel, tee-hee.
Alina says: Someone was taking this personally...They're not asking for YOUR weight honey....Does this also entail she would have given her chest measurements had their been a section for that?
Kaiyu says: No, because I doubt the creator knew how to measure them accurately, never having come into contact with them.
Heaven Falling: Elania lifts her spear up high into the air. The tip of her center blade that is pointing to the sky shoots a small beam of light up into the air. After a few seconds many long thin beams of light begins to rain down from the sky. This last for about 10 seconds causing medium damage. This ability also hits all enemies in the area and is perfect to get them broken in and unbalanced before she attacks. Since it leaves her open when she brings up her spear she won't be using this if she is in the middle fighting hand to hand combat.
Alina says: "I won't leave myself in the open. That would be a sign of weakness."
Kaiyu says: What does this attack, uh, DO?
Alina says: Whacks people? And doesn't leave her exposed fairly to attack?
Kaiyu says: "THE LIGHT! IT BURNS! The burning is love!"
Alina says: Oh, we'll show her burning.
Flying - Sorry no fancy name for something this simple. This skill allows Alania to fly through the air. It uses little to no energy to do and is great battle advantage over her enemies. She can swoop down and attack with her Ten no Yari Inazuma or use it for a quick get away if needed.
Kaiyu says: She's a flying elf.
Alina says: Can people even fly in the Legend of Mana?
Kaiyu says: Not to my knowledge. Not unless you're an appropriately winged creature
Alina says: Obviously. Okay. In my book, that constitutes as taking powers from other worlds. It's not being true to the world you're actually in. Why isn't the magic provided in Mana enough?! But at least she doesn't sprout some angel wings when she flies....does she?
Kaiyu says: The weapon paragraph is huge.
Alina says: That's never a good sign. She's probably got the highlight colours down to the nearest light wavelength.
Weapon of choice: Ten no Yari Inazuma. The Ten no Yari Inazuma is an ancient double bladed spear forged by a great elven blacksmith from some of the rarest materials in the world.
Kaiyu says: The BEST weapon made from the BEST materials used by the BEST character.
The materials that helped contribute: Dior wood, one of the hardest and rarest woods, was used for the pole or handle part of the spear.
Alina says: Bestest!
Kaiyu says: One of the BEST woods! And how phallic.
Alina says: Heee.
The combination of Ishe Platinum, Lorimar Iron, and a mana stone of light, gold, and wind helped with making the blades of the weapon.
Kaiyu says: NO. NO. SHE FUCKING USED THE MANA STONES!? NO.
Alina says: That's like....assuming the powers of the universe.
Kaiyu says: The Mana Stones: 8 stones housing old evil spirity things.
Alina says: Riiiiight....like a sane moderator would let anyone do that.
Kaiyu says: Of course, I don't know if you played or anything. >_o
Alina says: I didn't ^^;;. But I'm vaguely aware of the basics. Thank you for the information, though ^^;;
Also various coins and mana crystals such as glow crystal, chaos crystal, and a moon crystal helped contribute to its forging. It could be held in one hand or two if the holder prefers. The holding point is in the middle where hilt is.
Kaiyu says: Okay, for chrissakes, this thing is ALREADY going to be very heavy.
Alina says: What, she forgot the Easter Bunny crystal? This detail could be better suited elsewhere...I mean a weapons a weapon!
Kaiyu says: But it's EXPENSIVE. Why doesn't she just sell the damn useless heavy weapon and make a fucking bundle?
Alina says: Because that wouldn't be noble enough. Mary Sue trait - they're damn noble.
The blades of the weapon look like blades of a trident, 2 short blades and 1 very long center blade. The center blade of the these blades is as long as a regular long sword and the outer blades are about one-fourth that size.
Kaiyu says: Then they are trident blades, honey. >_o How the hell can she pick this up?
Alina says: They also happen to act as katanas, Buster Swords, Kitchen sinks....they slice, they dice, and they make Julienne Fries! They will not break! *Grabs the weapon and slams it against the floor, shattering it* IT BROKE!
Kaiyu says: Break out the dead sea tupperware.
Alina says: Amen to that.
The thing you will notice most about this weapon are the two large jewels imbedded with in the base of the blades. One is a sapphire and the other is a ruby. Both are cores of Jumi's.
Kaiyu says: Actually, the thing I notice most about this weapon is that it's fucking useless.
Alina says: Well, no. Normally when you're in the middle of a battle, you don't tend to notice minor decorations on your enemies weapon. You're far more concerned with where the sharp end of it is pointed.
The weapons attribute is light, gold, and wind giving it an edge over earth and shadow monsters. The blades gives off a faint glow do to the glow crystal used to forge it.
Alina says: And I'm still not clear what a Jumi core is, but I'm betting it's abusive and illegal..
Kaiyu says: Jumi cores are the little gemstones embedded in the chests of the Jumi. They're like their souls.
Alina says: The magical blades are both singular and plural!
Kaiyu says: And they're magical, of course. And have no weaknesses.
Alina says: So she gave her weapons souls.
Kaiyu says: Well, she killed their owners, much like she was attempting to do to the cast.
Alina says: Great, noble and idealist elf paired with sentient weapons.
And we fucking had Ruby and Sapphire Jumis.
"Rudy, Saphiel, you're out of the game. We need you to be part of this chick's sword."
Alina says: LOL
"*Sigh* Okay, anything for the goddess."
She has spells, too. Rule: You may either only be a fighter or a magician in this game.
Alina says: It's so simple to comprehend...even I understand it! It's like...you can't be BOTH good and EVIL. It makes no sense.
Kaiyu says: Yeah you can. It's called Neutrality.
Alina says: But they don't call it that. They call it "good-evil".
Kaiyu says: At least his grammar is a little better than it was in the Angsty blue boy profile.
Alina says: Oh yea...I keep forgetting that his is a guy.
Amethyst Tambourine: Jinn's Thunder Blade - Elania takes her tambourine from the left side of her hip and begins shake it and dance. The music that comes along with is very fast paste and great dancing with, it even sometimes makes the enemy want dance on with her.
Kaiyu says: She's an elvish stripper!
Alina says: If she starts singing, run for your life.
Her moves look complicated for a novice dancer to perform because of the way she moves and twist her hips.
Kaiyu says: She also requires a pole and disco music.
Alina says: Geez...if a chick started dancing in the middle of a battle (strip dancing even), she'd be a damn easy target. Just point and shoot!
But before you know it Jinn pops out from the ground and as he disappears a pillar of electricity shaped like a blade of a sword comes right from underneath the ground of the enemy. It's voltage is not something to kid with and it has a high chance to leave you paralyzed.
Alina says: I don't think too many people become mesmerized by her boring Sueness.
Kaiyu says: And before you know it, I gouged my eyes out and ate them.
Alina says: Doesn't a duel hit like that constitute autoing or something?
Kaiyu says: Yes, probably.
Alina says: Thought so.
It disappears as soon as it appears only lasting about 5 or 6 seconds. This single tech spell is her strongest move but the dance takes some time to perform the dance and it leaves her vulnerable to enemies attacks. Also the dance tends to be a little tiring do to the fact of the intensity of it.
Alina says: Wow. She's admitting weakness. But that's only because everyone would be staring at her breasts at the time, so it wouldn't matter.
Kaiyu says: Those strippers really work up a sweat.
Alina says: And then they have to take off some of the...unecessary clothing...Get some fresh air...
Description (for picture purposes): Elania has long flowing silkish magenta hair. Her midnight blue eyes are alluring and look wise, shaped with much experience.
Kaiyu says: "Silkish magenta" and "Midnight Blue!" Why not just 'pink' or 'blue'? NO! Too specific! And her eyes! Shaped with experience! Because she's fwakin goddess powerful!
Alina says: God, emphasis on the eyes...it's as bad as a magical sparkle...
Kaiyu says: People have a tendency to get lost in a trance if they look to deeply. *Twitch* Unfortunately, I can't, for I've gouged out my eyes and eaten them.
Alina says: (Scully) It's like a lava lamp....Do her eyes contain stars?
She wears a purple vest and underneath is a very vague yellow colored sleeveless shirt that only goes down to the solarplex which leaves her waist wide open.
Kaiyu says: Answer me this, Elly: How is a shirt vague?
Alina says: The same way something blue has an aura of blue.
Kaiyu says: Oh.
Alina says: The way it is described does not suggest that it is vague. "waist wide open..." You mean no pants!?
She wears loose purple pants made of some of the softest but durable material. Her shoes are purple as well and look like those shoes that genies where, you know the kind were tip sorta points up.
Alina says: Oh. Never mind.
Kaiyu says: They're the softest, most durable material.
Alina says: Like, you know, the pointy end is up....
Kaiyu says: Sue pants.
Alina says: Gotta love Sue logic.
Kaiyu says: Come today and buy a pair of Sue Pants! Also on sale, Sue Kilts!
Alina says: I never thought adamantine was soft. I'll bet it chaffs, too.
On her back she carries her Ten no Yari Inazuma and on her left hip her Amethyst Tambourine. Her lean body and nice breast size are for any man to die for. No one can guess underneath that beauty there is a warrior with in.
Kaiyu says: Elania makes me want to die, all right.
Alina says: Of course not...she dresses with an excessive amount of purple. And when she gets angry....the warrior within is unleashed....as the Incredible Hulk!
Kaiyu says: "ELANIA SMASH VAGUELY!"
Knight or Guardian: Not a Jumi
Kaiyu says: This has been clarified. Thank you for this pointless reminder.
Alina says: We get the idea! Get on with it already!
Personality: Elania is very serious and calm by nature and does not easily get upset over things. Even under extreme pressure she remains calm. She is known also for her quick and smart thinking for serious problems.
Alina says: She's too cool for the Jumis.
Kaiyu says: She's serious. And calm. And calm. And smart!
Alina says: And she wants someone to crack her outer shell and see the beauty within...except there isn't any to be found!
Kaiyu says: She's a female Squall Leonheart in genie pants. That immediately makes her unlikeable.
Elania is with always a plan and never rushes into battle without something in mind. She is an honorable warrior and does not stoop low enough to pull any cheap tricks on her enemies.
Alina says: We'll see how calm she is when we throw her out of an airlock or something. Damn Sue nobility. That isn't very smart. Hell, if I'm fighting for my life, I'm going to be damn evil!
Kaiyu says: But she's a Jumi Hunter. Jumis: Relatively peaceful, would be hella running from her
Kaiyu says: Doesn't chasing them and stabbing them in the back constitute as a cheap trick?
Alina says: Yes. You cannot escape her purple genie shoes!
Kaiyu says: Just checking.
Alina says: Ok.
Also she is always to her word and never backs down from it. When it comes to respect she gives it to only those that deserve it, her own race, or if there more superior and anyone else she gives it to none. Her voice can be described very emotionless, hard to tell if she is angry or happy from it.
Alina says: Oh...so basically she's above everyone else because she was born before the universe began.
Kaiyu says: "HELLO I AM ELANIA, I AM A MARY SUE. DO YOU LIKE MY GENIE PANTS."
Alina says: LIKE ME OR I WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO MY GEM-STUDDED TALKING SWORD-WEAPON-THINGIES!
She is known to be very mischievous and always has to satisfy her curiosity. But unknowingly to her somewhere deep inside a heart is trying to grow. Elania Asura is a just the type of person you will never quite understand.
Kaiyu says: *Sighs* You win, Elania. I don't Understand. I admit defeat.
Alina says: Mischievous and maturity do not normally go together without a good explanation. Hell, I don't WANT to understand. Who the heck would want to interact with THIS? An overbearing she-elf know-it-all who has assumed the powers of the world? Not me. This is a recipe for eternal lonership. She's worse off than Squall.
Kaiyu says: all right. Here begins the really, really extensive history. The first part is profile only, the second part is Hidden and only for the moderators.
History: No one knows where she came from or who she is. All that is known of her so far is that she is an elven jumi hunter who is quite good at what she does. Most jumi's consider her as Neo Sandra because of her impressive kill count of 180. Since she has never been seen besides from her victims no one had a chance to develop a real name for her yet.
Alina says: MYSTERIOUSNESS prevails. That's BAD.
Kaiyu says: Most Jumis consider her a Neo Sandra, but they don't know she exists.
Alina says: How would they know precisely what her kill count is if they have never seen her? All those deaths would be scratched off as unrelated unless she used similar tactics or left some kind of calling card. "This death was brought to you by the purple genie elf!"
But she does seem to have one when considering her, Asure (A-su-re) since that is what signature she signs on the poems she leaves to the victims. Now it seems she has her eyes set on a certain group of young jumi's. Could they survive against this legendary huntress of cores?
Kaiyu says: It seems she does. And could they survive?
Alina says: Is this a rhetorical question?
Kaiyu says: No. Of course not. Because she's perfect.
Alina says: Gee, I didn't see that one coming. This is incredibly boring. (For a character, not this act of mockery!)
*Elania was born in an elven village hidden deep in an unknown forest like most elves. Her child hood was a good one, having her father be the village elder does has its strong points when it comes to learning the arts.
Alina says: None of these people actually existed, of course.
Kaiyu says: Her father's the village elder. Instant status.
Alina says: Cheap....
She lived in the village until she was about 50 years old. She was afraid her father would marry her off soon to someone she didn't even know and so young at that too.
"Oh, poor me! I might have to stop being a whore and marry one of the men
I sleep with!"
"elven village hidden deep in an unknown forest like most elves..."
elven=obvious statement of known fact.
unknown=too lazy to think up a name, don't want anyone looking for it and screwing with my characters.
She wanted to see the world and learn all that can be from it. So one knight she took off into the sky,(flying was this village's secret art.)
Kaiyu says: *Cringes* She FLIES. I forgot that for a moment.
Alina says: She took off one knight....*Giggles*
Kaiyu says: Hey, she thought he was hot.
Alina says: So she stole his virginity. The dancing whore.
Kaiyu says: Granted, about half of the Jumi Knights in the game are female.
Alina says: That would be politically correct. Good for the game.
Kaiyu says: And about two of the guardians are male, heh heh ^^;
Before she knew it she found herself in the great magic city known as Geo. She enrolled into the school and stayed in Geo in till she graduated. Then she left towards the Shippou to study there. In Geo she studied magic but in Shippou she wanted to study the way of the warrior.
Kaiyu says: How the hell did she get to Shippou? That's like, a secret city.
Alina says: She's from a secret location, therefore she can access secret locations other than her hometown? It's a bad form of logic. That's like saying : All woman are human. All men are human. Therefore, all men are women and all women are men.
Luckily she found a jumi willing to teach a non jumi the arts of weaponry. She took the spear to be her weapon since that was the main weapon of the village and she was a little bit more familiar with it. Once her training was complete there she left towards the Bejeweled City to visit its extensive library to learn of the history of the world. She stayed there for many years trying to get her fill of knowledge.
Kaiyu says: *Palms forehead* Oi... Very typical. And you know the worst thing? We're not even half done with the profile.
Alina says: Oi. Not even?.....Oh boy.... *Rolls up her sleeves and tries to think in a funny manner* I wish your friend could be here now and assist us.
One night she was doing an errand for a jumi that she stayed with in the Bejeweled City. She was about to leave Shippou and was taking flight when she knowticed a glimmer in the distance, curious of what it was she left towards that direction. She landed on a tree limb a bit outside the strange tower.
Kaiyu says: Jeesh, there's a lot of phallic imagery in this profile.
Alina says: Please don't tell me the magic Mana stones were just casually lying around in the tower. But hey, you're right.... Maybe she REALLY wants to be a man? (Or maybe it's because the author of the profile is a man?)
Light emitted from the tower from inside and she knowticed at the very top she saw.......
Alina says: *Starts to laugh*
Kaiyu says: She saw DOTS. She went headfirst into a beehive. Which she know-ticed.
Alina says: At the top of the Phallic shaft...she saw...what comes out of them....*snorts*
Kaiyu says: XD
((bah i will finish this as a small little story since i like writing stories ))
Kaiyu says: NO! NO! GOD NO!
Alina says: What?
Kaiyu says: IT'S GONE FROM A BAD PROFILE TO A BAD FIC!
Go to Part 2!