Thorn Went Shopping at the Sue Store

Profile written for a Chrono Cross RPG. Commented on by Kaiyu and Alina.

Kaiyu says: This next profile was made for a Chrono Cross RPG that was run by my good friend Daryl. The applicant was actually his younger brother - who Daryl was forced to accept after his little sibling bitched endlessly to his parents on the topic.

Alina says: LMAO.

Kaiyu says: Thankfully, he lost interest and never posted.

Alina says: Oi.

Name: Thorn Vectra

Alina says: A thorny vector? Who made this? A mathemetician that loves The Bold and the Beautiful?

Kaiyu says: Next, on Days of our Lives: Mary Sues.

Innate: White

Kaiyu says: White innate characters are supposedly the purest, most innocent characters of all.

Alina says: Like Serge.

Kaiyu says: Serge was white, Pip was white, Riddel was white...

Kaiyu says: Why are all Mary Sues "pure" on some level?

Alina says: Sues are supposed to be perfect. That's why. I could never understand how Riddel could walk in that dress.

Kaiyu says: She didn't. She had roller skates on.

Alina says: Whoops, wrong character I'm thinking of.

Kaiyu says: No, you're right. bad attempt at a joke.

Alina says: Oh. ^^;; Me is gullible.

Kaiyu says: It's early, sosumi.

Alina says: Not early here. It's 10:15 am. No excuses! Anyhoo...

Birthdate: August 30
Age: 16
Height: 5'3
Weight: 102
Build: Thin

Alina says: Ah, the usual teenage gloriousness. Every time I see one of these, I wonder if I should be saving the world before I'm 25 and am declared an old geezer.

Kaiyu says: Cid was old and decrepit at 32. *Sips tea*

Alina says: And Red...his only saving grace was that he was 15 in his species' timeline.

Kaiyu says: All RPG characters are really, really young. You'd think their parents would have something to say about that. But most Sues kill off their parents through some deus ex machina, so it works out.

Alina says: Exactly.

Weapon: Angel Wing (Glove)

Alina says: *Eye Twitches*

Kaiyu says: There was someone in the RPG who already HAD a weapon called Angel Wing, too. It was a bow.

Alina says: Damn Angel Wing motif....I blame Rinoa and Escaflowne. Because we can blame Rinoa for everything.

Kaiyu says: "Who stole my cookies?"

Eyes: She has red eyes like Nikki's because she wears contacts.

Alina says: Well, at least she wasn't born that way.

Kaiyu says: What color are her real eyes, then? IT'S A MYSTERY.

Alina says: They'd have to be brown. Otherwise the red contacts wouldn't work.

Hair: She has shimmering golden hair in a ponytail sometimes she likes to take off her ponytail make it sway in the wind.

Kaiyu says: *Gapes*

Alina says: No wind required. She's kinda like Daemon from ReBoot. It just flows naturally.

Kaiyu says: She ripped off her hair!!?!? Oh my GOD that's PAINFUL!

Alina says: Ow, my hair! Go, fly free in the wind!

Kaiyu says: No, it doesn't fly. It SWAYS. She ripped it off so it could WIGGLE.

Alina says: Sorry, it SWAYS. Like a bad waltz.

Kaiyu says: And it shimmers, of course. Didn't know they had Pantene Pro V in El Nido.

Alina says: Must be some derivative she cooked up in her spare time with her magical Sue powers.

Likes: Helping others in need and practicing her jujitsu

Alina says: Borrrring....I like cake. THAT's more descriptive than what she wrote.

Kaiyu says: I like cake, too, as fate would have it!

Alina says: And I'll bet that she only likes helping people because she usually profits from it in the long run. The egotistical bitch.

Kaiyu says: She knows Jujitsu, yet Jujitsu isn't really a martial art known on other worlds. She must know Chisato Madison, the only canon character to fall into this gaping plothole.

Alina says: Maybe she was afraid that if she made up a style she would be going too far. And she was right - she would.

Dislikes: Rich, Snobby people who don't help people in need and Demi Humans.

Alina says: She's racist! She hates demi humans! Sue, what's wrong with you? You're supposed to be a model citizen!

Kaiyu says: Everyone in El Nido was Racist, but do you have to do it too, Thorn?

Alina says: Isn't Thorn a male name? My lizard is named Thorn. And he's a male.

Kaiyu says: Well, was a female Thorn in the olde BONE comics...But...

Alina says: I don't know....

Kaiyu says: It's mainly a male name, yes. And a stupid one.

Alina says: Of course it is. It's from a soap opera.

Weakness: Whenever she sees anybody who's injured or needs help she'll stop whatever she is doing and help that person.

Kaiyu says: Say it with me, people, or sing along! "FAUUUUUX FLAAAAAAW!"

Alina says: (Mike the TV) Get yer faux flaws here, only 99.99.99! Entertain your friends! Annoy absolute strangers!

Kaiyu says: Ooh! Ooh! Can I have a Fiery attitude? Ooh, wait- I want ALTRUISM!

Alina says: I think it's in the 'stupid character traits' aisle. *Points randomly*

Kaiyu says: And- Naivete! But not as naive as you'd think... do you have that?

Alina says: LOL. No, Shadow-Corrine Sue cleaned me out.

Kaiyu says: Aw. ;-; (Who's that Sue, now? Is that the one Matrix Sue we didn't get to do, or is that the New Destiny chick?

Alina says: New Destiny chick.

Kaiyu says: (Oh, yes. Lovely.)

Alina says: Anyway.

Appearance: She has a white skin and whenever she talks it sounds like an angel is talking. She has a white shirt with a black pants a little bit over her knees and brown leather boots.

Kaiyu says: She just has one skin, though. It's a little patch on her left elbow.

Alina says: Honey, if you have white need medical attention, because you're dead. That's why she sounds like an angel. Because she's DEAD!

Kaiyu says: "Whenever she talks it sounds like an angel is talking" ....*Refrains from making stabbing motions toward eyes*

Alina says: It's okay Kaiyu, you can do it!

Kaiyu says: *Cough* Anyway. Is it that much to spend a little time on the costume? I mean, this isn't the local loser's trip to the mall. This is a fantasy RPG. And why must you always wear just one outfit of clothing? Are you trying to emulate console RPG characters? THEY DON'T GO TO THE BATHROOM OR EAT OR SLEEP, EITHER!

Alina says: Taking showers is also a foreign concept. That must be why you can smell a Sue from 20 miles away.

Personality: She loves being around people because she has nobody to talk to because her parents passed away. She likes to be alone when she thinks about her parent's death or somebody asks what happened to her parents.

Kaiyu says: You know, El, I think that her parents might be dead. Just maybe.

Alina says: She likes people...she likes being alone...(Just maybe). Error...cannot compute...

Kaiyu says: Oh, shit. *Feeds the Sue Logic disk into Elly's hard drive*

Alina says: *Watches as her computer sputters and explodes* O.o

History: Her father was a Porre soldier and her mother was a nurse. She didn't really like her father because she hates fighting but she learned how to do jujitsu when she was only 9 because her father forced her to learn it she also learned how to heal when she was 14.

Alina says: Child prodigy symptoms ringing loud and clear...bring out the angsty past! And....action!

Kaiyu says: *Arch of eyebrow* ANGST. No, that's it. That's the history.

Alina says: Oh. I assumed her parent's death would have been the angsty past section. But apparently they're not as important as the ages at which she learned to use magic.

Kaiyu says: It doesn't even explain why her parents are apparently dead.

Alina says: Minor details in her mind, dear.

Kaiyu says: You'll love the writing sample. It's coming up in a bit.

Alina says: Who cares HOW they died, so long as they did! Oh, goodie....*cracks open her badfic case*

Personal skills
L3 Skill: Beat Rush
L5 Skill: Healing Light
L7 Skill: Family's Rage
Weapon: A dark blue glove given down from her mother it has an ability to heal mostly any wounds.

Alina says: "Weapon: A dark blue glove given down from her mother it has an ability to heal mostly any wounds." mostly any wounds? Which ones are those?

Kaiyu says: *Hacks off Thorn's head* Not that one.

Alina says: And where was her mother at the time in order to be handing it down? Hiding in a tree?
(Mother) Here, take it, just GET AWAY FROM ME!

Kaiyu says: *Looks down at writing sample*....The title of the writing sample personifies this entire profile.

Alina says: I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Writing sample title: "No!!!"

Alina says: Sums up how I feel! I like it!

"Mom Dad what are we doing in the isle of the damned."
"We are looking for how all the people started disappearing all of the sudden."

Alina says: "I am just a random insert of dialogue belonging to no one" "Punctuation is also irrelevant"

Kaiyu says: MomDad, the new, improved parent.

Alina says: Availible at your local Sue store.

Kaiyu says: *Is having trouble focusing, can't stop laughing at the writing sample*

Alina says: Just breathe Kaiyu. Breathe. Get the oxygen going!

They just keep walking till Thorn said Dad look out! There are two deadheads Thorn and her dad started to fight Her Dad was a strong Porre soldier but he couldn't stand up to those deadheads Her mother came along and started to heal Dad. They tried to run to the boat but the deadhead caught up.

Alina says: What happened to the other Deadhead? And what happened to the punctuation?

Kaiyu says: There wasn't any in the first place.

Alina says: It's like a badly condensed poem.

horn tried to slow them down for her parents but the deadheads beat her up and killed her parents. Thorn was furious

Alina says: Horn? Horny thorny?

Kaiyu says: Why did they just beat her up and then kill her parents? Why is she not dead? WHY, GOD, WHY!?

Alina says: And she took out her stash of periods and tossed them at the remaining deadheads? THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Kaiyu says: *What I find amusing here is that the paragraph ended there and begins here*

"NO!!!!!!! I'm going to kill you." She used 2 beat rush for both of them.

Alina says: She was also hiding those in her pockets.

Kaiyu says: I thought you were only allowed to do one tech per battle.

Alina says: Yep.

Kaiyu says: And not steal them from Tifa.

Alina says: Tifa's old news at this point to them. Hence, she is copyable.

Kaiyu says: And...Figure out what your emotions are. "RAGE! Subdued. RAGE! Subdued."

Alina says: Urge to kill...fading....fading...

Kaiyu says: RISING! Fading...

After the battle she tried to heal them but it was to late so she gave them a burial in Arni she lived there because she has no other place to go.

Kaiyu says: She tried to heal the deadheads?

Alina says: She's a sucker for those rotting corpse people.

Kaiyu says: This is too funny. If we were grading on just the humor value of the writing sample, A++++.

She is the town doctor and everyone treats her like family.

Kaiyu says: You know, that one ugly cousin everyone hates.

Alina says: That oddball that keeps showing up at the family reunions that nobody really knows.

Kaiyu says: Grading time. ^^;

Alina says: This one made me giggle. It might be because it was so bad, or because it's too early in the morning and I haven't eaten everything. I give it an F. I feel nice today.

Kaiyu says: F+! Because it made me laugh at how absolutely crappy it was, and not make me want to gouge my eyes out. Er, more than once.

Alina says: Hee hee.