Profile written for a Legend of Mana RPG. Commented on by Kaiyu, Madhatter, and Alina.
Madhatter: I got another pretty bad profile...It's not from dani or blue boy...but still...
Alina: Erk. Is it bad enough to be ripped apart?
Madhatter: Let's just say she's magnificently old in a 13 year-olds' body.
Alina: Not another elvish character, is it? O.o
Madhatter: Nope, demon this time.
Alina: Even better. *Cracks her knuckles* I'm not as funny as you two, but bring it on!
Madhatter: Hehehe. Presenting to you in all her ill-mannered and most hated glory...
Characters name: Masa Shadaow
Alina: Masa Shadow? WTF? A mass of shadow pronounced for rastafarians?
Kaiyu: She can't even SPELL her hackneyed name right!
Age: 13-18 (1200-ish...)
Occupation: Jumi Hunter
Partner: (Jumi's only): n/a
Weight: 13-98 18-114 lbs
Height: 13-4'9" 18-5'5"
Madhatter: Now...if this isn't confusing I don't know what is.
Alina: Another Jumi Hunter? These people should make a club.
Madhatter: I assume that the 13 and the 18 are her ages.
Kaiyu: She switches ages?
Oh God, it's a transformation character. Or a time traveler. You pick.
Madhatter: Oh yah...
Kaiyu: She's 13. Now she's 18. Now she's 2000.
Madhatter: And then she's 10,000 with the magical powers of a demony goddess!
Kaiyu: For once I'd like to see a character that's, you know, 23. Or 28. Or 32. Or 8.
Madhatter: She has some majorly messed up growth spurts. LOOK! BOOBS! Then... NO BOOBS!
Alina: So THAT's where all the extra weight goes...
Kaiyu: "Mom, I ripped my trainer again..."
Alina: "Just transform back, dear."
"It's still ripped though!"
"Go and get your 999th pair..."
Weapon of choice: n/a
Madhatter: Welp, at least she doesn't use both weapons and spells...
Alina: My bad music playing will scare away all who oppose me!
Madhatter: Well still, she doesn't seem to be all powerful...so far...Of course she uses an instrument that half the people in the Jumi use anyway...
Alina: Maybe one day they'll take a hint and have a banjo as a weapon for once.
Madhatter: I'm waiting for a tuba ^_^
Alina: Or a kazoo!
Silver Shade Flute:
Masa must play very high notes for this spell to work, usually becoming a bit annoying. The spell creates a small orb of black energy in front of her, four others appear around it and circle it, growing gradually bigger and bigger while the one in the center spins. After a moment or two the spinning and circling slows and the smaller orbs are shot off one at a time at the target, then finally the last one as the largest. This spell isn't very powerful at all, and is only used for small targets of precisely aimed hits.
Alina: What the heck is 'Black energy'? Did someone dye it prior to its arrival in the universe?
Kaiyu: A bit annoying is an understatement for this profile.
Madhatter: It's spinning so much it's making me dizzy...*hurls*
Alina: I'm getting whiplash!
Kaiyu: MOMMY, I WANT OFF THE RIDE!
Alina: Notice: You must be at least this tall to view the profile.
Madhatter: Well one good point is that it's not 'super powerful take your head off in one shot type dealy'.
Alina: No, but it makes up for that in being 'precise'.
Platinum Shade Flute:
The lowest notes of the flute are used for this song, creating a large black bird made from shade magic. The bird attacks whatever she commands it with ebon flames, but disappears after about 2 minutes. A better attack than the Shadow Spinner, though still not that powerful.
Madhatter: BUT HOW POWERFUL IS IT!
Madhatter: Short for Ebony deary ^_^
Kaiyu: It speaks Ebonics, of course, being a black bird. How stereotypical. >_o
Alina: It disappears after two minutes because it's too delicate to be used any more than that. Stupid tissue paper bird...
Kaiyu: COME! BATTLE RACIAL STEREOTYPES!
Madhatter: "YO G! I'm gonna knock the dilly o outta you dog. Don't make me cap yo ass!"
"Okay! I'll do it with my ebonics-talking black bird!"
"...you've entirely missed the point! YOU LOSE!"
Madhatter: "G! I know you ain't talkin to me! I'm gonna bust you up biatch!"
Kaiyu: *Buries head in hands* Let's move on.
Alina: Yes. Let's.
Obsidian Shade Flute:
-Shadow Song-: Masa must play a song using all notes on the strangely shaped flute, the melody falling mostly in the lower and middle notes, rarely venturing to higher ones. The strange circle on the side of the flute begins to turn, altering the noises the flute makes, the faster it goes the more enchanting and the stranger the sound becomes. Strange runes start to draw themselves on her left cheek, left arm and right leg, and the triangle on her cheek has lines and dots added to it. It weaves a large orb of black energy high above the battle area, pulling energy from things around it. Then it fires down energy beams in a frenzied attack on the whole area, hopefully hitting the target. Masa doesnt like to play this spell, being it often hits her during the process of attacking her enemies.
Kaiyu: At least they're balanced. Though...much too precise...
Alina: The spell also has a nasty habit of exposing all those tattoos she got at that drunken rave. Such as the ones on her cheek.
Madhatter: Once again excessive details...
Alina: And where the heck are these details about the flute coming from?
Kaiyu: "Bleep bleep, boop boop beep bloop!"
Description (for picture purposes): Usually taking the form of a 13-year-old
girl, the demonic blood that allows her to shift her age will not let her change
Her skin is a deathly pale, almost translucent, white. One small black triangle adorns her right cheek, pointing up at her enigmatic gaze.
It's not just a gaze. It's an enigmatic gaze!
Gaze: OH I'm so alone!!!
Alina: *Eye twitches*
Kaiyu: Right next to the glowing one, the sparkling one, and the hypnotic one.
Alina: The enigma of her gaze is driving me insane! Aaah!
Kaiyu: And I thought she transformed.
Madhatter: It makes confused to stare into her eyes. Oh I'm not done deary!
Rather stringy strands of bangs hang down over her forehead, a few longer strands falling into her eyes, three more strands close around her face. The rest of her raven black hair falls to just past her chin, one white streaked strand of hair in front of her ear falls to her collar bone. Her eyes are her most startling feature.
Kaiyu: "Masa transforms, but she cannot change her appearance!"
Alina: *Wonders how one would draw an enigmatic gaze*
The pupils are somewhat shaped into slits and around the edges cracked with black, much like a cats, the iris a vibrant shade of amber.
Alina: Yeesh, you'd think she was telling a hair stylist how she wants her hair done. Honey, don't you realize those cat-slit contacts are bad for your eyes?
Kaiyu: Her eyes are broken.
Madhatter: Not just that, but they aren't just a shade of amber... they are VIBRANT!
Alina: Watch those irises strut their stuff!
Kaiyu: VIBRATING EYES O____O:;;;
Madhatter: Woop here comes the fallacies again!
Alina: *Bad porn music plays from nowhere*
Madhatter: "Oh yah baby! Stare at me with those vibrating eyes, makes me hotter than a snake in a coma!" And next on the line... Prisoner clothes... sorta.
She always wears white and black. White and black, white and black, white and black. At the moment, a white skirt falling to her knees, her black boots embroidered with white swirling designs. The skirt has small slits up the sides, stopping at just above her knees. The collar of her white shirt is much like that of a jackets, its folds falling over her shoulders to her back and her once long and flowing sleeves have been ripped off to short, ragged ones.
Alina: She felt the stripes didn't suit her hippie-getup, so she changed the stripes to swirls.
Madhatter: Ahhh yes so true, and imagine she's only 13 years old. And she's already a porno star.
Kaiyu: What would her mother say...?
Alina: " At the moment"....I guess that means the skirt's coming off later....*shudders* Child porn is NOT cool.
Madhatter: Nopers. In fact it's quite sick! But remember she turns 18! Waha! She becomes legal!
Kaiyu: Hey, priests seem to like it well enough.
Alina: And THAT'S when the REAL fun begins!
On her right hand she had a black, fingerless glove, sprouting from a ring on her index finger, comes up to her elbow, in the palm
Alina: The ring is growing out of her skin? What is it, a proto-cybernetic implant?
Kaiyu: She doesn't have it anymore.
is a white eye like rune; on her other hand is the same however the glove stops at her wrist, and one gold arm band also adorns this limb. 3 gold bangles jingle on both wrists.
Kaiyu: That sentence makes no sense. THEY'RE JINGLING! SHE'S LIKE THE FWAKIN' TAMBOURINE GIRL IN HAIR BANDS!
Madhatter: I will give her props though, she can spell...
Alina: Bangles should bang. It's in their definition, and in that Ricky Martin song!
Knight or Guardian: N/A
Madhatter: Obviously. Now the profile wasn't too bad really...
Kaiyu: Thus far?
Madhatter: It was sorta decent, here's where it get's into the bad stuff.
Alina: I get the feeling that all these characters want to be powerful enough so that they can say "Partner? Pffft. I don't need no partner!"
Madhatter: Mwa hahahaha! Just you wait for the personality.
Alina: Oh. Goodie.
Personality: Over the years Masa has been able to construct many personalities for herself, some depressing some happy. At this point in time she takes on a cheery, fun loving, friendly persona, to help her better blend in with the crowd. Her method of hunting Jumis depends on this. Though what she is like on the inside has never been shown, she's surely going to present a brave, smiling face to the rest of the world. She isn't much of an optimist, though she is known to say "well, look at the good side..." every now and then.
Kaiyu: ........OH MY GOD THE CONTRADICTIONS!
Madhatter: She's a schitzo.
Kaiyu: She's not an optimist. Except she is.
Alina: This isn't another one of those multiple personality cop-out chicks, is it?
Madhatter: Well more like she has multiple personality disorder or something...
The inside is a darker shade of Masa, filled with doubts, fears and an ever persistent persecution of herself. Her second layer is tormented by her decisions against something that could cure a broken heart. She reasons day and night with her motives for killing Jumi. Its simple. Its money. But was money a good enough excuse?
Madhatter: She has layers... like an onion...
Alina: No, parfaits! Or cakes!
Kaiyu: A Jumi Hunter is like an onion...This profile isn't THAT bad so far...It's just really contradictory.
Madhatter: Yup, she's like an onion, she makes me want to cry.
Alina: She's burning my eyes with her onionness...But it's not so bad. Yet. I'll continue to be pessimistic.
Masa had grown up with the conflicts of being half-demon hovering over her at all hours. Her human mother taught her of compassion, kindness, and patience. Think before you act was all you really needed to know. Her demon father taught her Shade magic, valiance, how to fight, and anything else that had to do with honor or combat. There were times she felt like, literally killing another kid when he took her favorite stuffed animal, due to demonic attributes.
And the parent's seemed to have no problem living together because.....?
(Father) I'm going to teach our demon-daughter how to be a bitch porn star.
(Mother) I'll teach her about bunny rabbits and pie.
"HONEY! I'M HOME!"
"Welcome home, dear! How did the murder and sodomy go down in hell?"
"Ah yes dear, and I brought home 3 disemboweled humans to sacifice to my evil god!"
Alina: "Just clean up when you're done dear, otherwise it'll stink up the place."
Madhatter: "Yes Honey!!"
But she got through her childhood without killing anyone. From her demonic
blood she found she had the ability to shift her form a little, however her
human bloodlines crippled her slightly, restricting Masa to only being able
to change her age.
Sent out into the world on her 17th birthday, obviously they thought she could handle it. She managed to stay afloat for a while, playing on the streets for coins as a 13-year-old, or gambling at 18. However, pocket change wasnt enough, and financially she began to wither away.
Alina: So she can change her form...but she can't.
Madhatter: Can we say: Get a Job?
But she CAN, but she CAN'T.
(Father) A teacher? Honey, prostitutes make twice as much.
(Stolen from Whose Line).
Kaiyu: This is confusing.
Madhatter: This if you actually look at it is kinda Sueish...well you'll see.
Then she heard of something fabulous. She learnt of Jumis and their magnificent
cores. Money, money, money.... With that kind of a living she would be out of
debt in no time. So, the temporarily broke Masa started her wanderings.
During these travels Masa met a young boy, 15 or 16, who was in very poor condition; half starved and merely some skin stretching over his skeletal frame.
Alina: So far, the Sueish stuff is the Sue logic.
Masa talked with him and while he was homeless he was one of the most compassionate people she had ever met. Maybe her friend...? She had hoped, even though he was a little younger than her; he was intelligent and kind and she stayed up talking with him for hours. She stayed with him a night in his alley way home, before he died the next morning. Masa went on her way, half crying and tried never again to think of the youth, though that was like asking the moon never to set.
Alina: And then the RAGE began to build for this person she knew for less than a day!
Kaiyu: "Hello, 15 or 16!"
"Help meee...." *reaches up a skeletal arm*
"You know, you're the kindest person I've met..."
"Didn't you hear me??? Helllppppp!"
"You're so nice!"
Alina: "I think I'll watch you die."
Kaiyu: *Shakes head* I just don't understand.
Madhatter: You think she woulda taken him to a facility to help him out ne?
Kaiyu: No. She was a demon. She ate him.
Alina: She's trying to build the sympathy vote. For herself. Nobody else matters.
Madhatter: SLURP! MMMm Crunchy!
Alina: Tastes just like chicken!
Kaiyu: "What a nice boy. *Sniffle* .....*Burp*"
Alina: Delicious and nutricious!
Though she got a bit more interaction now, it was only for the buying or selling of jewels and items. Still she closed her self off, hoping for a protection from such hurt again. Masa very accurately convinced herself there can be no such things as friends. Partners maybe, partners to be defined as two people working together; however, not sharing any emotional bonds. Not friends.
Alina: Okay, if you've closed yourself off to the world, you literally lose the ability to act NICE to people. It's not a skill you can turn back on like a lightswitch. I don't CARE if you're half demon or not.
Madhatter: Remember she has those enigmatic stares...It makes her all lonely and shtuff.
Alina: Oh, those just come with practice. lol
Kaiyu: Only the lonely.
Alina: They are probably what keeps people away from her. ONLY YOOOOOU.....
Madhatter: Although, you'd think with them vibrating eyes she'd be making a bundle.
Alina: Along with that skirt that's going to disappear soon.
Little tidbits: She is, of course, an excellent flute player, after being out there on the street for so long. She'll play the exquisite melody of Shadow Song for anyone if they ask, though it's true beauty is only heard when cast.
Madhatter: Ah yes, it's cast and then it knocks off your head, so you can't hear the beauty of it...We dun hafta do writing samples do we?
Alina: Being on the street, of course, builds character and automatically classifies you as an artist.
SHe reminds me of I-no.
"Hey, can you play me a song?"
"Sure... Listen closely... *WHACKS with guitar*"
Alina: Juicy fruit! it's gonna move ya! *Guitar is destroyed*
Madhatter: Welp, unless you want the writing sample that's it.
Alina: I don't know...do we want the sample?
Kaiyu: Your choice, guys.
Madhatter: It's sorta really Shakesperian.
Alina: "Alas, poor continutity, I knew it well. But it served no purpose of mine."
Writing sample: The moor dressed its self happily in both pale and vibrant colored flowers alike. The wind carried with it a chill, like the one on the morning of her unforgettable sorrow and encouraged one to pull a jacket closer. It whipped through Masas memory like water soaks into the ground.
Madhatter: That's the first paragraph.
(Wind) *Whip cracks* Go! Run away silly brain functions! Go! Be free!
The moor is also quite amusing when it's personified.
Kaiyu: Moor: "I only used flowers because the store sold that nice dress I wanted."
Madhatter: Isn't a Moor a black dude? I remember that from Othello...
Alina: The moor is the term for large fields in England that are really...well, bla. Just grass an' stuff.
Madhatter: Okies, I got confused because of the first sentence of the second paragraph.
....She turned slowly to face him, though you wouldn't see it on her face, she was a bit startled by him. Lackadaisically her gaze seemed to almost slither it's way from the scenery about her to him; like a brightly colored snake with venom of incredible potency. This metaphor could easily describe more than merely her eyes.
Alina: The moor is a crossdresser! This isn't Shakespeare. This is overpoetic fluff.
Madhatter: Yah... pretty much.
Alina: And it leaves a nasty taste in the back of your mouth. Hang on, I have a dictionary.
Madhatter: Ah...like bile...good 'ol bile...
Kaiyu: This is like bad goth poetry.
Madhatter: Wait till the next one.
Kaiyu says: Do I have to?
"Literally Enchanting? Ah, you should look else where, I am far from eloquent in such things. Perhaps beauty is a curse if one does not have the wits to accompany it. And yet again, many are far more beautiful than I, surely your eternities should not be wasted upon one so... incomplete."
Alina: lackadaisical: unenthusiastic.
Madhatter: She's incomplete??? In other words she lacks an arm and a leg.
Alina: She's trying to write like Tolkien, but she's missing an important piece of the puzzle: The complicated and 'eloquent' parts need to be complimented by a lot of simplistic language. And thus concludes my rant on style.
Kaiyu: Masa went to the grocery store.
Madhatter: Last Paragraph!
Kaiyu: Turns into:
Madhatter: Turns into?
Alina: *Waits for it....*
Kaiyu: Beauteous, vivacious Masa's steps were a crescendo of heartbeats as the lone wench passed through the echanical archway of the produce repository.
If it had made any sense, then great. If it hadn't, then still, great. All was the same to her, and at that moment she wasn't even sure of what she had said herself. The wind swept its self across the running grass and took with it leaves of many colors. It whisked them away to the clear blue of the sky and their images became lost, like that painful memory of her friend from long ago.
Madhatter: Oh dude! I sorta get it now...She's talking about the crunchy dude.
"If it had made any sense, then great. If it hadn't, then still, great."
Uh....no. Nobody gives a shit about what they can't understand. Like Hitler's biography. Think that makes any sense just because there are big and complicated words in it? That whole paragraph is a load of gibberish.
Madhatter: Welp! I suppose it's grading time no?
Alina: I guess so! Who wants to go first?
Madhatter: Kaiyu babeh will you do the honors?
Kaiyu: Well, um, let's see...I give it a C-. It's not a HORRBILE profile by any stretch, just... very, very contradictory, and I could do without the goth poetry.
Alina: I'm going to say C flat. Like Kaiyu said, what kills it is the contradictions and unnecessary stylistic language. It wouldn't take long to cut it out and fix it.
Madhatter: I gave it a D, it wasn't completely horrible to any stretch but there were certain elements left out, like what did she look like at age 18. As well it does have too many unnecessary verbs.