Profile written for a medieval Japan RPG. Commented on by Kaiyu and Alina.
Kaiyu: I got a profile in the mail for Bushido. It was 600 frickin' K.
Alina: You didn't open it, did you? (Either it's a virus or someone sent you a HUGE image file to go with it).
Kaiyu: Actually, I have hotmail; so viruses don't work that well. In any case, I opened it- two paragraphs and one HUGE bitmap.
Alina: x_x Are people retarded? Wait, don't answer that. Rhetorical.
Kaiyu: Want to spoof it?
Alina: Is it a bad profile too? If so, yes. It'll help me get rid of my pent-up frustration.
Kaiyu: Why, yes it is.
Alina: Then let us commence. *Tries to jump, fails miserably*
Character Name: Owaru Ayanosuke
Kaiyu: Well, at least it's Japanese, although I'm sure it means something like ENDING DARK BLOOD MOON or something. That, or it's the name of an anime character.
Alina: That really reminds me of Star Wars. It's like a Japanese name Anglisised a little bit for flare.
Character's Age: 30 (looks 11?)
Alina: Let me guess: He's a vampire. Boo-hoo.
Kaiyu: MAAAAAAYBE he looks eleven? Just MAYBE?
Alina: We're not too sure on that one. We'll get back to you.
Kaiyu: He's not, thank god; we get enough vampires as it is.
Alina: Did Bushido even allow vampires?
Kaiyu: Yeah, it did. I was a poor misguided soul.
Birthdate: June 21,1738. Gemeni
Alina: Wow. A mysterious unknown zodiac sign....the THIRTEENTH SIGN! That occurs the same time as the Gemini sign! *dun dun dun*
Blood Type: C+
Alina: Knowledge of human anatomy: F! aka BURN!
Kaiyu: His blood type is program coding. u_u
Alina: One that I wish I knew. x_x
Hair Color/Style: Buffy short brown.
Alina: Maybe he means military-style crew cut?
Kaiyu: HIS HAIR SLAYS VAMPIRES.
Alina: Or maybe he's reffering to the Slayer's hairstyle...?
Kaiyu: Hairdo the vampire slayer.
Eye Color/Shape: Round brown.
Voice: Childish medium to high pitched.
Alina: Now in low-fat flavor.
Appearance: Looks like an 11 year old child, 5 feet tall,100 pounds,always seem to have a smile on his face. Always dressed in a white samurai gi with gold yellow collars with white divided pants.
Alina: white divided pants: You mean pants don't normally split down the middle? To create pants?
Kaiyu: He means the Hakama, the traditional divided samurai skirt, but seriously. I want to know why he looks eleven. Do you think I'm going to get an answer?
Alina: Is THAT a rhetorical question?
Weapons: Akane and Suzume,two samurai swords named after his twin sisters,of great sturdiness and sharpness.
Alina: Because the rest of the samurai out there are dumb enough to bear rusty and blunt swords into battle.
Kaiyu: "In Japan, our women are STRONG; There are none other as sturdy and as sharp. They support outhouses on their backs while spouting insults with impeccable timing!"
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.
Friends: Many,but they all perished.
Family: Two sisters,one mother. All of witch are dead.
Alina: They burned with the other heathens in the Great Witch hunt!
Kaiyu: I'LL GET YOU, MY PRETTIES! KEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEEEEE!
Alina: duna duna dunana, duna duna dunana eee......
Hobbies: Wandering,prize fighting,practicing Myojin-Soga swordsmanship.
Alina: I guess "losing" isn't a hobby, because he's just so damn smart and brings pointy objects to fights.
Kaiyu: And here, we see the lovely spotted twink and his plumage.
Alina: (Readers, in monotone) Yay.
Skills and Abilities: Remarkable agility and speed due to his size. However,his strength isnt quite on par,meaning he will have to be precise or repeatitive to strike down an opponent. Also a fast learner,since he got his ability to fight from textbooks. Even tho he will evantually die of age,he'll never look older that a child,due to a birth disease.
Alina: He learned to fight from reading? Meaning he had already perfected everything before even fighting a physical opponent? Puh-lease. And, while there ARE genetic disorders out there that can stunt someone's growth (puberty never sets in due to a deficiency of growth hormones that start the process), you could still never mistake the person for a child.
Kaiyu: Well, I got an answer to my question. It wasn't anywhere near satisfactory.
Personality: Cheerful,polite,sometimes speaks of depressing things,but always in an intelligent,yet cheerful way.
Alina: So he's cheerful. Thanks. That tells me a lot.
Kaiyu: He's happy. But sad! But happy. And smart.
Alina: (Hexadecimal) Happy! Sad! Happy! Sad! Intrigued...
History: From where he came from, Owaru was a liked fellow in his cheerful,clean living.
Kaiyu: Wow, he does know the Japanese. He's speaking Engrish.
Alina: It sounds like a Japanese commercial. "Healthy happy bountiful fortuneish life."
Always lending a helping hand and being overly generous and kind,he was seen as a sentimental hero.
Alina: Awww...so he's the kind of person that saves the vicious wolves when they're injured, even when they've been attacking innocent babies?
But,because the village housed traitors of Furogato,it was burned and enslaved. He survived, knowing that if he would want to free his people,he would have to grow stronger.
Kaiyu: Oh, angst.
Alina: And he blames himself for not being powerful enough to save them, AS HE SHOULD, given that he's apparently an expert swordsman.
Awaiting the perfect hour of retribution for 20 years,he walks,aimlessly,with knowledge in his bag and two swords on his waist,hiding a vengeful spirit behind his innocent smile.
Kaiyu: He's like the intellectual Santa.
Alina: Without the flubber and the beard!
Kaiyu: COME HERE, CHILDREN, I HAVE KNOWLEDGE IN MY BAG, NOT A SECRET TENDENCY TO PEDOPHILIA.
Alina: (Character) Come to me my pretties!
Kaiyu: Rating time.
Alina: Burn. It doesn't piss me off enough to get a nuke, although the 600k bitmap must've been a pain to recieve.
Kaiyu: F. It sucks, but there were some parts that were less stupid than others. The player, however, gets a burn for crowding up my inbox with a stupid bitmap.