Invalid Syntax ... The Reboot story for all time MSTed!
Credits and Official-Sounding-Type Things
Summary: The alleged "mother of all Reboot stories" gets a swift kick in the butt. Rated PG13 for references to immoral things and Harry Potter. (j/k) Slight Season 4 spoiler for mentioning the nature of Daemon’s power.
Alina: Ahoy hoi! And welcome to my very first MSTing of a fanfic! So you all know what that means...I want criticism! Harsh criticism! It can involve insults and flaming and bashing if required, but be honest for crying out loud! Because even though I’ve never seen the show Mystery Science Theater 3000 -
Obssidean: We’re Canadian.
Elly: But we did get to see the third season of ReBoot!
Alina: Yea. It doesn’t matter anyway; we all know how it ends.
Elly: We DO?
Obssidean: (Sighs) Do I have to sing the song for you? "The Web invaded Mainframe..."
Elly: No! I remember now. Sort of. I just don’t want to hear the song again!
Alina: ...What I was trying to say is that not knowing the actual show should not interfere with the ability to make fun of stuff, unless I suck at just that. Does that make any sense?
Obssidean: Beats me.
Elly: So what fic are we going to trash today? (Cracks her knuckles)
Alina: It’s a ReBoot fic called Invalid Syntax.
Obssidean: One of the authors is also an egomaniac, given that he claims he is "the greatest writer of Gundam and Reboot fanfiction in the world." It’s the one called Flux, in case you were wondering.
Elly: ReBoot? Sounds like fun. At least it’s not from our other fandom.
Alina: You mean Final Fantasy 7?
Obssidean: (Looks at the Fanfiction.net listings) Actually, this guy has written stuff for Final Fantasy 7.
Alina: What? Let me see.
(Alina and Elly go over to Obssidean’s computer monitor and read the first few lines of the screen.)
Elly: There...there is no God.
Alina: (Starts to sob) Oh, the humanity!
Elly: Must...destroy...
Obssidean: Let’s move along to the credits so we can get this over with.
Credits
The MSTing concept is property of Mystery Science Theater 3000
ReBoot and all related characters are property of Mainframe Entertainment Inc. http://www.mainframe.ca
Fanfic Invalid Syntax written by Flux (FU12347731@aol.com) and Skahi (VmpirGrrl@aol.com)
Fic available on Fanfiction.net
http://www.fanfiction.net
And here we go! Brace yourselves people!
The Adaquetequataquastic Saga Begins
Invalid Syntax -The Reboot fanfic for all Time
Obssidean: Can’t you just feel the goodness of the work shining through?
Alina: Actually, I think that is just the feeling of my legs falling asleep.
This fanfic and all of it's characters
Elly: Are on crack.
Alina: Are being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment.
Obssidean: Deserve better.
belong to me.
Elly: I’m starting to see what you mean by ‘egomaniac’ now.
Obssidean: I rest my case.
Yes, and that implies
Alina: That Flux would like to think he owns these characters.
Elly: That it’s not that hard to get a job these days?
Obssidean: Mainframe Entertainment must have been really desperate for a janitor one day.
that I DID invent
Elly: The CAPS LOCK button.
Obssidean: The generic ‘Bad Fanfic’
Bob, Dot, Megabyte, and Fong.
Elly: So Flux didn’t create Enzo, Frisket, AndrAIa, Mouse, Hex, or any of the other members of the cast? What a relief!
Alina: We’re not even two lines in and there are how many spelling and grammar mistakes?
Obssidean: About four.
Elly: (Flux) Hooked on Fonix works for mi!
Oh... wait..
Alina: (Flux) I only own ReBoot in my fantasies?
Elly: Only people with lots of free time are going to read this?
Obssidean: There should be two authors disclaiming instead of one?
you don't believe
me?
Elly: No.
Obssidean: No.
Alina: Yes…I mean no.
Well TOO BAD!! REBOOT IS MIYNE!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Elly: If ReBoot is yours, then why not use your real name so we can see it in the credits?
Alina: Yea, where’s the proof? Justification, people! Hell, if I owned ReBoot, I would tell everyone I met!
Obssidean: I swear, if he someday turns out to be Gavin Blair or something, my respect for MFE will severely drop.
Elly: Don’t worry. The possibility of that happening is very slim.
Obssidean: What makes you so sure?
Elly: Mr. Blair can spell.
Obssidean: Good point.
------------------------------------------
Alina: Well, we must be getting somewhere, it’s a divider!
Obssidean: Yup. We’re heading right into the eye of the storm.
Elly: Batten down the hatches, people.
Chapter 1 :: Experimental Conclusions
Elly: And they forgot to declare their variables.
Obssidean: Can you say oxymoron?
Alina: Sounds like you, actually.
Obssidean: (Mutters incoherently)
It was dark,
Elly: Oh. That’s…um…darkness. It’s scary…sometimes…(coughs)
Alina: The people of Mainframe took it as a sign that the world was about to end.
and a data storm was
Alina: Sitting down for its afternoon cup of tea.
Obssidean: (Data Storm) Will that be one lump or two?
ripping across mainframe....
Elly: There. Mainframe has been ripped apart already. Is it over yet?
Obssidean: I wish it were.
the sprites had
Obssidean: All of their silver bells and cockleshells and primroses in a row.
Alina: The authors would stand for nothing less.
no Idea why it had been so harsh lately,
Alina: (Binome) You know, I don’t understand why everything is on fire…maybe it has something to do with that system crash the other day…nah. Couldn’t be.
But all TOO soon, the answer would be
clear...
Alina: (Oracle from the Africa episode of the Simpsons) I see…I see…great danger approaching!
Elly: (Tribe member) Oh, great Oracle, what are we to do? Save us!
Alina: (Oracle) No! YOU are Oracle now! (Runs)
IN THE REAL WORLD...
Alina: The crew of the Nebuchadnezzar was planning their retaliation against the Matrix.
Elly: Wrong fandom, Alina.
Alina: Quiet, you.
"Hey! Mich!" Michaela's friend Ren called to her from inside the house towards
the basement.. "Check this out!"
Obssidean: (Ren) I found this really bad fanfic on the Net…and we’re in it!
Elly: (Michaela) That’s not worth going downstairs for when I’m crimping my hair!
"What do you want now?
Elly: (Mich) I just changed your diapers damn it!
I’m sick and tired of listening to your stupid dogs
Elly: Why is "dogs" underlined?
Obssidean: To emphasize that the creatures are dogs. The author’s target audience is obviously people who wouldn’t know that.
barking to the tune of Jingle Bells MP3
Alina: The Jingle Bells MP3 sounds is not the song ‘Jingle Bells’?
.... and don’t call me Mich!"
Obssidean: Okay…MICH!
she was
quite annoyed,
Alina: I would be too if I was in such a crappy piece of fiction.
Elly: Does this MSTing count?
Mike the TV: YOU THE VIEWERS DECIDE!
Alina: Where the hell did Mike come from?
Obssidean: It’s your MSTing! Why are you asking me?
because he had been constantly pulling her away from her Quake3
game,
Elly: Oh, no! He’s interfering with her Quake3 game!
Obssidean: It’s a crime against humanity! Call in the United Nations!
to do inane and stupid things
Alina: For once, the fanfic is right.
downstairs all day.
Elly: I guess it doesn’t take much to amuse the idiotic.
Obssidean: (Jingle Bells plays) Hee hee hee! (Jingle Bells plays) Hee hee hee! (Jingle Bells plays) Hee hee hee!
And of course calling
her Mich.
Obssidean: Also a crime against humanity.
Alina: Punishable by being subjected to country music marathons.
"Check this out!" He said as he ran up with a little ball in his hands.
Alina: (Tries to control her laughter)
Elly: Huh? Aw! You’re got a sick mind!
Alina: (Chef) Say anybody have you seen my balls?
All: They’re big and salty and brown! (Laughs)
"What the HELL is that?"
Obssidean: Mich never paid much attention in her human biology class.
Elly: Where did Ren get it anyway? From the butcher shop?
Alina: (Falls off of her chair and laughs on the floor)
She asked, warily edging away from Ren, just in case
Elly: He tried to use it as a deadly projectile.
Alina: (From the floor) Chinese fighting balls!
the ball did something dangerous.
Obssidean: I’m not even going to start on that one.
He pushed a button, and the little ball started to roll around on the ground,
on its own!
Alina: (Mich) Oooh…it spins…cool….
Elly: Where did Mike go?
Alina: I dunno.
"Thats already been invented smart guy.." she started
Obssidean: Yea, it’s called a top. It’s something toddlers play with.
"No, thats not it"
Elly: It’s not a ball! It’s a cube in disguise!
Alina: A game cube? Is it a game cube? Please tell me it’s a game cube!
Obssidean: Yes. It is a game cube!
Alina: Yay!
He said as he then pushed a button and the MP3 of dogs
barking Jingle bells started playing..
Alina: Hey! Game cubes don’t make that kind of noise! They say "Warning! Incoming game!" You lied to me Obssidean!
Obssidean: And you believed me.
the small ball rocked and forth with the
beat.
Obssidean: Right….
Elly: Boy, Ren was right. This is no ‘ordinary’ ball. It’s a ball with a sense of rhythm! That changes everything!
Alina: This is all nice and dandy, but isn’t this supposed to be a ReBoot fanfic? I want to see ReBoot stuff!
Elly: We noticed.
Obssidean: I thought you’ve read this before.
Alina: Yes. I read the first three lines. And then I clicked ‘Back’ on my browser.
Michaela looked around bitterly,
Alina: That spinning ball sure showed her a thing or two.
Obssidean: (Mich) Why…why can’t I do what that ball can?!
developed an eye-twitch, then snapped into a
violent rage,
Elly: Whoa. She’s really worked up over this ball.
and kicks the ball in fury.
Elly: Shifting in and out of different phases of time during her outburst.
Alina: (Mich) I am above time itself! I am Daemon!
It flies
Elly: Now the magic-rocking-spinning-musical ball has wings? This is too far-fetched.
Alina: It’s the Snitch from Harry Potter!
Obssidean: We just had to bring that into the discussion, didn’t we…
into the bathroom,
Obssidean: The most amusing place in the house to get thrown into.
Elly: Yea. Toilets, sinks and towels are just so exciting!
then
landing in the toilet,
Elly: Hopefully the ball doesn’t mean enough to Ren for him to want to stick his hand in a toilet.
Obssidean: Then how is the ball going to come out?
Elly: I don’t know…the dog?
with a "splunk!"
Alina: Such descriptive sound effects! I feel like I’m actually in the room!
Obssidean: No doubt with an irrepressible urge to hang yourself at that moment.
"Hey! whaja do that for?"
Alina: Ren really is a retard.
Obssidean: I wonder if he is supposed to represent one of the authors…
Alina: That would not surprise me in the least.
Ren whined
Elly: And dined.
Obssidean: Like a dog.
as he ran into the bathroom for a
second...
Elly: Oh, no. He’s not going to -
his hand plunging into the toilet, making a swishing sound...
Elly: Gross! That’s it! I’m outta here! (Stands up to leave)
Obssidean: (Grabs Elly and makes her sit down). If I have to read this thing, so do you.
Elly: And if I refuse?
Obssidean: (Matrix) Gun! Command line! Targeting! Full delete!
Elly: (Cringes) Eeep. You win.
he came
out a few minutes later,
Elly: Also known as a second by Flux’s standards.
his shirt dampened to his arm.
Obssidean: That must be a really deep toilet.
"I gotcha!"
Obssidean: Them feces were down deep, but he got ‘em! Now it should flush up good!
he said triumphantly, Michaela rolling her eyes as she snapped
Elly: Her optic nerves, rendering her blind.
pencil after pencil, imagining his neck.
"Mich! You broke it!" he held it up as it began to spark and sputter in his
hands.
Alina: (Ren) I’m telling Mom! You’re not playing nice!
"Swanky!"
Alina: …Swanky?
Elly: Is ‘swanky’ a good thing or a bad thing?
she said indignantly "And dont call me Mich!"
Elly: (Singing) Mich, Mich, bo-bitch, banana-fanna-fo-fitch! Me my mo Mich…MICH!
Alina: Mich is a bitch?
Obssidean: Thank you Captain Obvious.
"Hey! look at the ball! Its doing something wierd!" Ren said as the ball,
indeed was doing something weird
Elly: The suspense is killing me! What will happen next?
Alina: Maybe the story will end!
Obssidean: Something tells me this is one of those ‘mysterious portal opening up’ stories.
Alina: Where do you get that, Obssidean?
Obssidean: My "spider-sense" is tingling.
The ball started to jiggle in Ren's hand, and it bounced and hopped and jumped
and fidgeted
Elly: Funny. Isn’t that exactly what it was doing before?
and eventually fell to the ground
Alina: It fell out of my hands, and onto the floor, and then my poor meatball…rolled right out the door!
where it landed with a THUD. "Wierd"
Alina: It was indeed weird. Things do not normally go ‘Thud’ when they hit the ground.
Obssidean: That’s right! They go ‘sping’!
Ren said as he looked and noticed the small round ball spinning on the
ground, making a whirring sound, and playing the first note of the dogs barking
Jingle Bells song
Elly: Also simply known as the sound of dogs barking.
over and over again...
Alina: Well that would be kind of hard not to notice, buddy.
Elly: Maybe Ren just has a really, really low attention span.
Obssidean: It keeps going, and going, and going…
"Shut it up Ren before I stomp on it!" Michaela snarled as she snapped her
fingers and looked at him angrily.
Alina: (Stomps her feet and snaps her fingers) Olé!
just then, the Small Silvery ball that sparkled like glitter in sunlight in
June
Elly: When the time was just about two o’ clock in the afternoon, and we would run along in the meadows of wildflowers, drinking sparkling water from the spring that also glittered in the June sun, weaving daisy chains.
Obssidean: What I want to know is what the difference between a June sun and a January sun is. It’s still the same freaking sun!
took on a life of its own,
Elly: It’s alive! Alive!
and began to fly about the room... Knocking
over expensive stuff
Obssidean: Whoops, there goes Dad’s Ming vase!
and harrassing the ferret.
Alina: (Ferret) It’s violating me!
Obssidean: Why isn’t the ferret in its cage?
Elly: Why the hell would anyone want a ferret anyway? They reek!
"DAMNIT! Tell your STUPID ball to leave Xerxes alone!"
Obssidean: (Xerxes) That’s sexual harassment and I don’t have to take it!
Michaela screamed, the
ferret escaped from the magical possessed gleaming ball,
Alina&Obssidean: Be gone! The power of Christ compels you!
Elly: (Waves a Bible)
and scrambled up her
shoulder
Obssidean: Before proceeding to sink his teeth into Mich’s neck. Because Xerxes was no ‘ordinary’ ferret! It was a talking vampire ferret!
and perched as he chittered at the ball admonishingly.
Obssidean: The translation of the chatter was: "Come magical meatball! Let us feast on the flesh of these inferiors and reign supreme!"
Alina: That was lame.
Obssidean: Hey, I’m trying my best here.
Alina: I know you can do better than that! Look at what you wrote before!
Obssidean: Yeesh, fine, calm down. You sound as bad as Mich.
Alina: Hey! (Lunges at Obssidean)
"I cant! Im a useless computer geek!
Elly: Yes. Ren is a geek that cannot cut the power from a battery-powered ball, while he can create portals to other planes of existence. Okie dokie.
(Obssidean and Alina continue to fight)
call the SWAT Team!"
Elly: (Looks at the fighting girls) Screw calling them over there! Call the SWAT team here!
the ball flew up to
him, flicked him in the nose, and he fainted.
Elly: That’s all it takes? Let’s try that out. (Flicks Alina on the nose)
Alina: (Faints)
Elly: Cool! The touch of death! (Laughs maniacally)
Michaela kicked him while he lay fainted on the ground..
Obssidean: (Mich, kicking) More injuries to the head! Then I can collect the insurance!
then managed to grab
Elly: A chicken burger.
Obssidean: A chicken burger?
Elly: A chicken burger.
him and drag him downstairs, she grabbed the ball out of mid hair
Obssidean: It was right in between those two split ends.
and started
Elly: To feed it to her ferret.
Obssidean: (Xerxes) Yum…electrical circuitry…*Zap!*
to wrestle with it..
Obssidean: Can you smell what the ball is cookin’?
then slamming it on the keyboard numerous times...
Elly: Wow. These two act with the maturity of a six-year old.
then
creating some kind of dimensional warp,
Obssidean: And one huge endless sentence in the process.
Elly: …fragmented quotes…do not add to suspense…or make your story cool…
sucking
Alina: (Wakes up) Ow…what did I miss?
Elly: The dimensional warp is sucking.
Alina: On what?
Obssidean: Let’s not go there, or this may become an NC-17 work.
everybody in the room..
INCLUDING the ferret,
Alina: Because we just can’t forget about old Xerxes.
into the computer.
Obssidean: See? ‘Mysterious portal’ plot device.
Alina: As I once read in a fanfic, "The Instant Plot Device – Just add water!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Obssidean: Yes! Another divider! One chapter down, and…uh…how many are left?
Alina: I don’t know. I’ve never read past the first one.
Super Happy Nighttime Pill Attack!
CHAPTER 2 ::: INSIDE THE COMPUTER
Elly: Alina, why did you choose to MST this crappy fanfic anyway?
Alina: Well, everyone acknowledges that it’s bad. So I have an audience already.
Obssidean: Yea. Retaliate for a bad fic with a bad MST! You simply cannot go wrong!
As his
Obssidean: Whose?
Alina: Santa?
Elly: God?
Alina: Bob?
eyes opened up.. and surveyed the purple swirling sky, he laid there,
feeling contented and happy,
Alina: And not at all concerned with the bizarre discolouration of the sky.
dreaming of his boy-hood days,
Elly: What does that have to do with anything?
Obssidean: At least it’s not his ‘manhood’ days.
Alina: (Unknown person) I remember back in the day when I was a stout whippersnapper, ah yes. I would climb them poplar trees out back, at least until I fell and hit my head.
all of which were
Obssidean: Of no relevance to the plot.
Elly: A bunch of lies!
abruptly brought to an end when he was dragged to his feet by
Alina: Bob?
a severely
Alina: Bob?
irritated
Obssidean: I see the Gold Bond powder does nothing it claims to in the commercials.
Michaela.
Alina: Bob?
Obssidean: No Alina, it’s not Bob.
Alina: I want Bob…
"Okay, the dogs barking jingle bells, was kinda tolerable,
Elly: She could tolerate that? I couldn’t tolerate hearing about it! Is she becoming a goddess or Mary Sue right before our eyes?
Obssidean: Don’t jinx it Elly! (Knocks on the wooden table)
the ball throwing
Obssidean: Up on the floor after its Saturday night outing -
sparks,
Obssidean: Darn.
Elly: Maybe the ball is Zeus! He’s throwing lightning bolts around, right?
Alina: (Hades) Zeusee, I’m home!
was kinda neat, for a little bit... but THIS
Elly: Is swanky?
has OFFICIALLY, gone
Obssidean: (Buzz Lightyear) To infinity and beyond!
TOO
far."
Elly: Too far! Take it easy! It’s all right! (Hums)
Obssidean: Go Jan Hammer Short Circuits!
Elly: We’ve been watching YTV for a really long time.
She was rather angry.
Alina: (Flux) ALTERNATING between CAPITALIZED words AND lower CASE words EMPHASIZES anger.
"Where are we?" he asked
Obssidean: Silly Ren. Trips aren’t for kids.
Alina: You are in the merry old land of Oz. And I am Glinda, the good witch of the North.
"Right Ren, Like IM gonna know where we are
Elly: Why not? I thought Mary Sues knew everything!
... Hey! *drops him*
Alina: Hein? Oh! Now I get it! Mich dropped Ren.
Obssidean: Writing tip: It is worth the time to write out your action in sentences.
lemme just get my
Obssidean: Global Positioning System!
Elly: Mary Sue powers!
Alina: Llama!
MIDDLE-OF-NOWHERE MAP." She replied
Obssidean: (Ren) Great Mich! Now we can find our way home!
Alina: (Mich) It should be in my pocket. Fiddlesticks, it’s not there.
Obssidean: (Ren) Darn! I was hoping you had it on you.
Alina: (Mich) Oh, wait a second, here it is! It was in my other pocket!
"Wait." Ren said eyeballing Michela
Elly: Just how do you ‘eyeball’ someone?
Alina: Maybe Ren is throwing eyeballs at Mich.
Obssidean: He must have spent a fortune at the butcher shop before this story started. Eyeballs, balls, what next? Intestinal tracts?
"Dont you Eyeball me." she said with an angry grimace.
Obssidean: (Mich) Stop it Ren! Those things will stain my expensive stuff!
He noticed she was a computer-imagy thing now,
Elly: It only took him twenty minutes.
and she was not at all looking
human.
Alina: So entering into the computer turned her into a hideous six-headed monster with thirty eyes and green skin and stuff? Cool!
"MAN! youve got big polygons!" He said, startled
Obssidean: Ren, they’re called breasts. If you can’t use the word maturely, then stop talking about boobies.
"what?" she asked him
Alina: (Mich) Bre-breasts? What’s that?
"uhh.. nevermind.." He said
Elly: It’s just too complicated a subject for poor Mich, who knows nothing about the human body.
"I wish I knew where we were..." he said
Obssidean: Welcome to hell.
JUST THEN!
Alina: A giant mongoose dropped out of the sky and fell on them!
Elly: Yahoo! took the form of a sprite and chased them into the Energy Sea!
Obssidean: Megabyte captured them, re-arranged their bodies, slapped on a couple of metal parts and icons, and painted them red and blue! And that is the origin of Hack and Slash!
"Why youre in Mainframe Silly!"
Elly: (Al’s second waiter) Like, duh! You’d have to be basic not to know that!
Alina: Well gee, that would certainly explain a lot.
A small blocky thing with one eye said.
Elly: Flux and Skahi once again demonstrate their comprehensive knowledge of the very show they are writing about by not using the terminology!
Obssidean: B-i-n-o-m-e. Binome. It’s only been mentioned about twenty million times before.
"EHHH!?" Everybody said in SHOCK.
Obssidean: (Crocodile Hunter) The use of "eh" tells me that these creatures are from Canada, a nasty little country north of the Great Beyond. They’re a rare and violent breed! Now I’m going to see if I can sneak up on one and catch the bugger!
JUST THEN, he walked off.
Elly: They’re just Canadian Users with IQs of 22 points. What harm could they do to the system?
"That was wierd" Ren said
Alina: No shit Sherlock.
Elly: How was that weird? The binome answered their question! What are they complaining about?
JUST THEN, they heard a noise...
Obssidean: (Ren) It’s a noise! I’ve never heard one of those before!
Alina: JUST THEN, Flux tried to use another opening line for his sentences.
Elly: He failed miserably.
"Oh no! Help me!"
Alina: "I burned my brownies!"
Obssidean: "Get me out of this fic before I have to make a physical appearance!"
everyone heard...
Elly: "Everyone" meaning a grand total of two people.
Alina: And the ferret.
Elly: That doesn’t count. Ferrets can’t talk.
JUST THEN,
Elly: No, it wasn’t "just then". It was last week.
Instinctively
Obssidean: Because using logic or any other brainpower would be just too much to ask.
Ren ran
Elly: To the nearest bathroom before he wet his pants.
Alina: (Ren) Crap! I forgot to change my Pull-Ups!
to see
Alina: What shade of yellow his pants currently were.
what happened, Noting the iminent
Obssidean: Dry-cleaners bill he would have to pay.
danger ahead as
Elly: He took over Bob’s job of mending and defending.
Alina: Poor Bobby. They just torture him so much in ReBoot.
Obssidean: But it’s all for a good cause – to amuse us.
Alina: Not in this case.
explosions raged in a small town below them.
Obssidean: Below them? You mean they’ve been flying this whole time to top the stupidity off?
Alina: I thought Mainframe was the only city in Mainframe. These people are confusing the hell out of me!
Elly: (Pats Alina on the back) There, there Alina. It’s okay that you’re not as quick-minded as other people. Look what you authors are doing! Stop torturing this innocent ReBoot fan!
Alina: Hey, I am not that slow. Am I?
Obssidean: Don’t worry about it. Let’s continue.
"POWER
Obssidean: Oh God no.
Elly: Please don’t tell me he’s going to do what I think he will.
Alina: Cue the extermination squad.
UP!!" He screamed as he did a dancy thing
Alina: Cheesy music began to play from out of nowhere.
Elly: (Groans) Enter the Mary Sue powers.
Obssidean: (Ren) I am…Sailor Computer-Imagy Thing! Feel my sugary-rainbow wrath!
Alina: Hey…I like Sailor Moon.
Elly: You’re the only one here that does. It’s two against one! (Sailor Computer-Imagy Thing) SUPER HAPPY NIGHTIME PILL ATTACK!
and exploded in a flash..
Elly: Warning: Being compressed into a computer sprite may result in headache, nausea, skin inflammations, and Spontaneous Human Combustion.
the light dimmed, and he was standing in different clothes.
Alina: (Ren) Parasuco? Man, those powers are getting cheap! Where’s my Armani?
"Ren, you look like
Obssidean: A Duck.
Elly: You in different clothes.
Alina: A cheap imitation of Season Four Bob.
a Power-Ranger" Micheaala said
Elly: There’s no need to degrade Power Rangers here Mich. They do it themselves with each successive series. What’s it now? ‘Power Rangers the Time-Space-Ninja-Dinosaur-Robot-Pokémon-Power Saga’?
"cool!" Ren cheered
Alina: Yes, getting suited up in shiny tights is something all men think is cool.
Obssidean: "We’re men, we’re men in tights! We run around the forest looking for fights! (Smack!)"
"No its not"
Obssidean: Congratulations Mich. You get a gold star.
Elly: Ooh…shiny.
She smacked him in the back of the head.
Alina: Man, this chick is violent!
Obssidean: When in doubt, punch them. That way, you always win.
"oo.. My head tingles
Elly: (Ren) You got the blood flow going again! Thanks!
Alina: (Hexadecimal) Ooooh…that tickled.
... I feel weaker..." he fainted
Obssidean: It takes that much effort to change your clothes? Maybe Ren’s got Mono or something.
"God, Not again!" Michearla growled
Alina: (Mich) I have to change the diapers again? (Pulls out the bag of Pampers Premium)
"Oh no! help us!"
Elly: (Helpless binomes) The stench will be too much! Spare us!
a bunch of people
Alina: Started booing and throwing random vegetables at their computer screens.
reinterated
Elly: I’ll just assume Flux meant ‘reiterated’.
their earlier plea for
Obssidean: A quick exit or death.
help.
"Mua ha ha!"
Alina: I suppose that is supposed to be some form of evil laughter. Please let it not be Megabyte. It just will not be fair.
JUST THEN, a sickening laugh rolled over the horizon..
Elly: Again?
Obssidean: It was the sound of MFE slapping a lawsuit on this fic! I swear!
The laugh
was deep,
Obssidean: Underground where the computer gnomes live!
and fluid,
Elly: Like a vat of oil.
it seeped into her soul,
Alina: (Doctor) Here, let me insert you with this ‘evil laughter’ IV. Careful though, it may take you to other strange worlds.
and sent shivers down her skin.
Elly: For being completely out of character.
Obssidean: We don’t even know who was laughing.
Elly: I don’t care. Whoever it is, they are out of character. End of story.
"What the HELL is going on here!?" Michleala said with a supremely fearing conscience. A large man-like thing walked into her view..
Elly: It is Megabyte. I’ll bet anyone five dollars that it’s him.
Obssidean: Five dollars Canadian is worth nothing. Make it twenty.
Elly: Seven.
Obssidean: Eighteen.
Elly: Eleven-fifty. That’s all I have on me anyway.
Obssidean: You’re on. (Shakes Elly’s hand)
Elly: So who do you think it is?
Obssidean: I think it’s the YTV robot.
Elly: Why?
Obssidean: Why not? I also say that Bob will be the second person to talk to them.
Elly: Tch. Fine. You’ll get my bubblegum if you’re right.
he was big,
Elly: It could be Megabyte…
Obssidean: It could also be the Green Giant.
Alina: Or Santa!
and mean,
Obssidean: It could still go either way! The YTV robot is pretty mean looking!
and he said
Elly: (Gigabyte) I am become Gigabyte! Destroyer of systems! Whoops, wrong virus.
Obssidean: (Green Giant) Ho ho ho!
Alina: (Santa) Uh…Ho ho ho?
"hello young lady....
Elly: (Unnamed, big, mean-looking person) Would you like this dance?
I havent seen you around here...?" He wondered, there werent that many sprites in mainframe,
Obssidean: Last time anyone had checked, it had been three.
Alina: This could take place before the Twin City was destroyed.
Obssidean: This takes place before intelligent thought.
and these 2 looked rather strange,
Elly: Because they look nothing like sprites, but more like Web Creatures.
to the point that they werent reacting with fear,
Alina: What happened to Mich bearing a "supremely fearing conscience"?
and one was passed out
Obssidean: At least Ren has an excuse not to look scared.
"...How did you get here.. where are you from?"
Elly: (Megabyte) -
Obssidean: Hey. It’s not Megabyte!
Elly: Okay, (Evil-type person that is probably Megabyte) I am on Jeopardy! Is the answer banana?
Alina: (Alex Trebec) I am sorry, that was not in the form of a question.
Elly: (ETPTIPM) Yes it was. (Unsheathes claws)
Alina: (Alex Trebec) I repeat that it was not. It wa-AAAA! (Squishy noises ensue)
he asked her a barrage of questions in his deep british accent..
Alina: One question is many questions in the wacky world of Flux.
Elly: Told you it was Megabyte.
Obssidean: The YTV robot has never spoken before! How do you know if he has or doesn’t have a British accent?
Elly: Oh please.
Obssidean: I’m not forking any money over until it clearly says that it is Megabyte.
"uhh.. we're on vacation from new york..."
Alina: Such brilliant deception skills! He sure isn’t going to be able to see through that one!
she began "Were on our way to Ohio..."
"Yes... of course" he rolled his eyes.
Obssidean: Along the ground in a game of marbles.
JUST THEN, someone else came by
Obssidean: Remember, if it’s Bob, you give me gum.
Elly: Yea, yea yea…
"MEGABYTE!
Obssidean: (Hands over to Elly $11.50)
Elly: Pleasure doing business with you. Hey…wait a minute! This is Monopoly money!
Obssidean: It’s still worth more than the Canadian dollar.
COME BACK HERE!" he was a younger man who was on a skatey-boardy thing that FLIED!
Elly: It’s Ray! The man with no ears!
"I have to go now" he said and then he ran away.
Elly: Aww…why did Ray have to go so soon after showing up? I’ve missed the guy. He needs more screen time.
Alina: I think Flux meant Megabyte ran away.
Obssidean: (Megabyte) The sound of a familiar voice is ever-so terrifying! I shall now run to my lair and partake no further in this pointless plot!
"Hmm... he had a computer-y name.. I wonder what that means?" she
unnecessarily
Alina: So shut up and say nothing woman!
said out loud to herself
"What were you saying?" Ren asked
Elly: Wow! Ren woke up!
She looked at him funny, and he fainted.
Elly: Uh…never mind.
Then the Skatey-boardy guy came by..
Alina: He whipped out a gun from his back pocket and opened fire on the two humans, thinking that they were Megabyte’s minions in disguise.
"hey, how ya doin?" he hopped off and landed all flashy and stuff..
Obssidean: …I can’t think of anything to say.
"Uhh whatever?" she said
Elly: What she said sounds good.
"My name's Bob." he said
Obssidean: Give me my gum.
Elly: Give me my money.
"uhh.. Nice hair?" she said
"Yeah, its shiny." he said as ran his fingers through the 12 clumps of 'hair' on his head
Alina: I don’t know if I should be amazed or terrified at that tiny detail. Did these people actually take the time to count every strand of Bob’s hair?
"Bob! where are you?" A woman's voice called from behind him
Elly: Dinner’s ready!
Alina: Your favorite! Brussel Sprites!
Obssidean: Right….
Alina: Okay, this thing is sucking the life out of me! I don’t know how I’m going to get through the whole thing with something amusing or witty to say!
"Oh, Hey Dot! how ya doing?" He said as he moved away from Michaela...
Obssidean: (Bob, whispering to Dot) Quick, call the CPUs!
"Hell-O"
Elly: Jello!
Alina: Mmm…Jello…
Ren said all suave-as-hell
"Hi! Im dot! and this is mainframe.. a city in a computer."
Obssidean: (Dot) Not that I had to mention that, since there’s nothing beyond the Net and Web. I just happen to plan to be spontaneous today. See? It’s in my organizer schedule!
Michalara looks at Ren... and yells..
"you MORON! you got me stuck in a computer?!"
Elly: How are they fitting in there anyway? Computers weren’t even that big twenty years ago.
Obssidean: It’s a fanfic Elena, it’s not supposed to be realistic.
She smacks him on the head..
Alina: That’s right Mich. Violence will solve anything.
"Oo.." He fainted
"Hey, my hand tingles...."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Knowing how to Count is Good
Elly: Are we done yet?
Obssidean: I don’t think so. There’s still plenty of scroll space below.
Elly: Damn.
CHAPTER 2 ::: DAMN!
Elly: See? The heading agrees with me! Wait a minute…(Reads headings again) Chapter 1, Chapter 2, …Chapter 2?
Obssidean: Obviously Flux must be dyslexic, unable to understand how to use a spell check program, and cannot count.
Alina: That’s assuring.
"Curses Hexidecimal." Cursed Megabyte with irritation intent in his tone.
Obssidean: His legs had been scratched in the last chapter and now he would be spending the rest of the cycle ordering Cyrus to shine them.
"Well.. If you were a little bit BETTER at being a Villain, then you'd have
probably won." Hexadecimal convinced him.
Elly: I agree one hundred percent!
"MY Fault?!?!? ... If you would bother to recollect your earlier shortcomings
Alina: Is it just me or are the words getting more complicated as we go along?
Obssidean: I think it’s a sign that someone else is writing things now.
Elly: You mean no more Flux! Cool!
and disregard your need to look at mine all the time the proper process of elimination and logic will tell you that I, who does not make mistakes COULD not have made this mistake, because I already said that I do not make mistakes and not making mistakes is what I do... I dont think" Exhumed Megabyte
Elly: From the bowels of his basement storage center.
Alina: He normally kept large and important-sounding documents on file there so they would get old and dusty and look more important as time went by.
"Dont argue with me.. you are talking out of your ass AS usual!
Obssidean: Eww…now I’m going to have this awful mental picture of Megabyte doing that stupid Ace Ventura scene for the rest of the day. And Megabyte doesn’t even have an ass-crack!
..mmmm POOP!"
Elly: A note to readers: This work was rated R on Fanfiction.net.
Alina: Beware the potty-mouth words!
Obssidean: Oh my God! What’s next? Ca Ca and Pee Pee?
chimed Hexadecimal.
he Fidgeted to herself
Alina: Oi. Was it necessary to bring transsexuals into this? I mean, Hex may not be all there, but she’s not a man!
as she thought of his favorite childhood memory
"I do not see how constantly bickering with you will allow me to take-over
Mainframe, as the fact that bickering disallows one of proper use of his time,
which in turn I cannot allow, because I need to use my time efficiently..." he
flagitterated on and sinks into the background
Obssidean: You know what?
Elly: What?
Obssidean: Isn’t bickering all they actually do on the show? Fight, squabble, and try to blow the other up?
Elly: Yea, so?
Obssidean: So why are they conversing like normal people here?
Elly: Allow me to simply quote you. It’s fanfiction. And that will be our answer to everything that makes no sense.
"...Megabyte..." Hexadecimal masticated her words before letting them out..
Elly: (Hex) My mummy taught me to chew every last bite!
"-And you cannot compete in this wearaday world without using your time
and..... what?"
Alina: I’m skipping this. I’ll see you guys at the next chapter.
Elly: Hey! You can’t do that!
"I want a puppy"
Alina: Elly, this isn’t even worth making fun of! It makes fun of itself!
Obssidean: If you’re leaving, I’m going too.
Alina: Fine. We’ll all go! Except the poor readers.
"Why?"
"because...."
"because why?"
"I dunno.."
"So... anyways ... Time is the essence of good living...."
Alina: (Walking out) Make no sense, make no sense…
"I wanna make puppy cookies.. theyre good for Scuzi."
"uhh.. what?"
"You know... puppy cookies.. theyre good!"
"uhh..."
He looked behind himself
Obssidean: (Megabyte, walking away) Am I still talking out of my ass?
"Uhh... okay, I dont see any problem with getting you a puppy AFTER we take
over mainframe. Okay?"
"Hmm.. now I dont want a puppy anymore."
"ugh."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Two for the Price of One!
Chapter 4 :: Look at this chapter
Alina: (Peeks in) Let’s not and say we did.
Elly: Is it done yet?
Alina: Nope. Well, let’s continue.
(Everyone sits down again)
Obssidean: He still can’t count.
Elly: I thought more than one person wrote this thing.
Obssidean: It’s not like anyone could tell unless they were told. The authors appear to have the combined intelligence of a potato. That doesn’t even count as alive.
Sitting in the far corner of a bar filled with lots of Binomes-gone-wrong in
sector 3, a virus is playing darts.
Obssidean: Oh my God.
Alina: What? What’s wrong?
Obssidean: There is nothing wrong with that sentence.
Elly: Whoa.
He looked around confidently and mopped up the competition..
Alina: Never underestimate the power of a mop. They are in reality weapons of mass destruction.
and he turned to face the first virus already sitting..
Elly: He intended to ask this virus for some watery soap in which he could disinfect his mop.
his hair flowed down his back in a gush of grey,
Elly: He had made it himself out of play-doh.
tingling the air around him the the many flits it commited in the light breeze under the air conditioning ducts. You could tell hes better than you just by hearing his name...
Alina: Pookie!
Obssidean: Cletus!
Elly: Billy Bob!
His cold grey eyes parked
Obssidean: Parallel parked, mind you.
on his avocado face gazed about the room..
Elly: Nothing like an avocado face mask to clear the pores, eh?
seeing only a few binomes standing, but were already headed for cover... He went to the table joining another virus and picked up his energy drink...
he took a sip as he sat down..
"I win."
Obssidean: (Cletus) Duh, no one beats me at a round of Pokerap!
Elly: (Virus) We’re playing darts.
Obssidean: NO ONE beats me at a round of Pokerap. Electro, Digglet, Nidoran…
he said in a richly sickening baritone that sent shivers down the binomes's CPU's.
Alina: He hires Pavarati to slap ice packs on people while conveying his lines.
"Syntax, theres a little more challenge when you play against someone else."
the female virus said, her sultry voice running across the remaining binomes
skin like velvet.
Elly: I just keep getting this mental image of the binome’s shaking that I don’t want. Make it go away.
Alina: (Blares the Season Three song) Remember, canon is our friend. We can always rely on it for comfort…most of the time.
She sat down across from him, the low lights picking up
highlights in her lustrous black hair and deep blue skin.
"...." He glowered at her.
Obssidean: He was getting his periods all at once. That was nothing unusual on it’s own, except for the fact that Cletus is a man.
Pursing her lips she leaned her head against her hand. The few remaining
binomes peered around whatever they were hiding behind to see what was
happening. The motion caught her attention and she peered at them with luminous
lavender eyes. With faint traces of a sneer on her lips she waved a hand at
them dismissively. "Shoo!"
Alina: That’s so rude! It’s a clear sign that they think of binomes as lower life forms! Binomes have feelings! Poor things.
Soon the two viruses were alone in the bar.
Elly: It made them feel better to think that they had had something to do with the exit of all the binomes, but it was really the stench of Cletus’ avocado-smeared face.
"Of all the decrepit holes in this port you had to choose this one, Syntax"
she purred.
Elly: (Female virus) I’m not sure if I’m happy or upset over it. All these conflicting thoughts are making me feel hot.
A condescending smile slid across her face at the cold glare from
her companion. The smile abruptly slid off of her face as she laced her fingers
together. "Why’d you want to see me Syntax?"
Alina: Of all the things to name the evil-virus, it’s not even virus related.
Obssidean: It’s not even related to the plot since these people don’t know the meaning of the word! Does anyone go to school and learn the rules of the English language anymore?
He looked at her for a moment, his eyes running over her armor to land on her
viral symbol; three burgundy slash marks. Nothing really stood out about it,
except for the Block image superimposed over it. He looked back up at her. "To
see if the rumors were true; that a virus such as your self could be caught,
but not deleted. And if the rumors were true" to offer you a way around that
block, if not a way to break it.
Elly: Okay, I’m totally lost. I understand everything up to…oh wait. Misplaced quotation.
Alina: They just can’t keep those rowdy things in line anymore. Must be due to lack of experience.
Her eyes widened a moment in shock, then narrowed in suspicion.
"Assuming you could, why would you?"
"I need someone with your... skills."
Obssidean: (Syntax) No one makes apple pie like you do, hon.
She waved a hand languidly. "And what would you be needing them for?"
"I want
Obssidean: Pie.
Elly: Candy.
Alina: (Megabyte) that Gateway command!
Mainframe."
Alina: Why in the heck? What happened to Mainframe being A: Sealed off from all other systems (Even in season ONE you know this!) B: The Supercomputer?
"My, you are an ambitious one, aren’t you?"
Elly: What happened to Mainframe being a decrepit hole?
"Yes." He said back to her with a glint of superimposed inflection in his left
eye that she saw.
Obssidean: Someone had been messing around with the Paint program I see.
Elly: Well, at least we have a clear idea of who the enemy is in this one.
Alina: Even so, it’s not going anywhere. It’s like the attempts at drama are building up to nothing.
Elly: Hey! Look! Only 2 chapters to go! Sweet!
Just when you think it can’t get any worse
Chapter 5 :: Evil powers
Everyone stood around sitting in Fong's
(Obssidean’s eye twitches.)
office Fong
(Obssidean starts to grip the arm of her chair very tightly, causing Elly and Alina to look her way.)
Elly: You okay?
Obssidean: No.
came out and said "Hello
my child!"
"Who are you?" Ren asked Fong.
Obssidean: ….
"Fong my child." said Fong to Ren.
Obssidean: God Damn it! I can’t take anymore! HIS NAME IS PHONG YOU RETARDED CHILDREN! GAAAAH!
"HEY YOU IDIOTS!" Michaela roared angrily as she hops up on top of the table
and cusses. "#$%^&*()" She cussed
"Michla!" Ren yelled as he jumped up on the table with Machile and he tackles
her onto the ground. "Calm down!"
Alina, trying to ignore Obssidean: You know you’re in trouble when you can’t spell your own name.
"NO!"
"Please! These people are our friends!"
Elly: And you’re a Mary Sue! Just like all the other original characters in this fic!
"Yes Michaela, please be calm."
Obssidean: (Person talking) The poison I injected into your body works faster when you’re calm. Even though that makes no sense since excitement would increase blood flow and speed up the progression of any infection in the bloodstream, but hey. This is fanfiction. Everything is backwards.
"You shut up! I'm talking to Ren!"
"Oh, sorry" he said
"Michealea! Ill find us a way out of here!"
When suddenly Bob came in and shot beams all over the place
Alina: Bob sure knows how to handle a potentially explosive situation: with more EXPLOSIONS.
"STOP FIGHTING!" Bob Roared.
Michaela Roared "SHUT UP!" And kicks Bob in the face.
"OUCH!!" said bob
Elly: She…kicked…Bob…
Alina: In…the face…
Ren got mad then, he transformed into super Ren and kicked the leg of the
table out from under Michaela.
"AHHH!" Michaela fell down and Ren caught her.
"Mich," said Ren caringly staring into Michaela's pupils. "I'll get us out of
here." "I promise" their faces came towards one anothers and they softly
approached a kiss when Michaela's eyes popped open all angry.
"DONT CALL ME MICH!" She slaps him and he fell down.
"OCH!" Ren fainted
"Damn..." Bob said complacently.
Alina: Has everyone snapped yet?
Elly: Yep.
Obssidean: Hoo yea.
Alina: Okay. (Takes a deep breath) I don’t think we’ll be finishing this anytime soon. Why? Reason one: It’s painful. Reason two: It makes fun of itself. If you’re interested in knowing how it ends, all you need to know is Syntax rampages across Mainframe, attacks Megabyte, and this is followed by about a page worth of &^*^(^*&^ as cussing. The end. No resolution, nada.
*&@^%#&*@^#&#!)@(&@(*$r(*@^eiugsd*&^cb&@*(tb&*(eyc
ibwegdx(w&ycxbro*@&$ v*ey" MICAKLA KUSSED!
TEH GAYM KAYM DOUN AND CACHES TEHM AWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" SED REN
THE END
Elly: Thank the User, it’s over!
Alina: Or God.
Elly: Whatever. But that was a stupid ending. Nothing is resolved!
Alina: I guess that would have been too much to ask. I suppose we can guess what happens next.
Obssidean: Okay, let me see…Ren, Mich, and the ferret all die somehow in the games. They’re too stupid to figure them out, and they cannot even reboot since they have no icons. Meanwhile, Dot and Bob will revert to game sprite mode and spend the rest of their lives in some other system, hopefully happily ever after. Or as happy as one can be after seeing their entire world be destroyed by a virus that came out of nowhere.
Elly: Good enough for me. The truth is, at this point I didn’t really care what happened, so long as it ended sooner than later.
Alina: You guys pretty much summed up my feelings.
Obssidean: So, are we supposed to do anything else?
Alina: Well, I figure I’ll cap the whole thing off with some stupid statistics about the fic, but I didn’t prepare any closing remarks. Nor do I really know what you’re supposed to say at the end of a MSTing.
Obssidean: Then I’ll conclude: I think I speak for everyone in this MSTing when I say that this work is pure crap.
Alina: I guess that’s it. Please send me your wonderful remarks about this attempt at MSTing and enjoy the ‘final score sheet’. (Pops a tape full of Season one episodes into her VCR)
The Final Score Sheet
Chapter numbering: 1, 2, 2, 4, 5, 6, and 8.
Number of times ‘Just then’ was used to begin a phrase: 7 – 6 in one chapter!
Number of Mary Sues: 2
Favorite word: "As"
Number of variations for the spelling of Mich’s name: 10
Quote of the day: ""There's VIRUSES in MAINFRAME?!" asked Bob."
Fin