Cliche Weapon with a Cliche Name!

Written for a Final Fantasy VII RPG. Commented on by Kaiyu and Alina.

Alpha Weapon (Blade Silex)

Alina says: Can you see where this is going yet?
Kaiyu says: ...He's a Weapon?
Alina says: Mercenary by day....saving the planet by night!
Kaiyu says: His moniker is also an object.
Alina says: We've also had at least five people with the name Blade.
Kaiyu says: If this were allowable, then you'd see people with names like Tree Jones or Pencil McGee.
Alina says: I can corroborate that.
Kaiyu says: Incidentally, did you know kids in Peru are being named Circumsicion and H20?
Alina says: I know that someone tried to name their kid spatula here. In french of course, but it's still obvious. 'Spatule'.
Kaiyu says: So unless he's Peruvian, just the name is a no-go.
Alina says: All right. Moving on!

Age: 29

Height: 6 ft

Weight: 90 kgs / 180 lbs

Build: He is of average bulk and size, perhaps a little heavy for a man of his size. He is not all muscle tone and lean looks; he has a bit of a belly, as he loves his food. "

Alina says: Mmm.....nothing like haggis!
Kaiyu says: This is somewhat refreshing. At least he's not the stereotypical fit or lean figure; seeing someone a little overweight is rare in RPGS.
Alina says: Nostrum was the first offically overweight charcter to ever grace us. I was so impressed by that.
Kaiyu says: Although, however, let's look at the ratio. At a height of 6 feet, 180 lbs does NOT mean overweight.
Alina says: Weight chart time!
Kaiyu says: One time I played a character who was bulimic. He was 86 pounds.
Alina says: O.o 6'", 180lbs...classified as slightly overweight. No wait, that's the women chart. He's in the right weight range.
Kaiyu says: So, unless he's actually a transvestite, he needs to adjust that weight.
Alina says: this is where it starts to get really fun.
Kaiyu says: A transvestite character could be cool, though. XD
Alina says: Yes it would!
Kaiyu says: I played one in Bushido a while back.
Alina says: Coolness!

Gender: Male

Eyes: Black/Red

Hair: Black/Silver

Kaiyu says: Black and Red Eyes, Black and Silver hair?
Alina says: This person needs to get a fashion sense.
Kaiyu says: (By the way, I just realized something. I didn't know Weapons needed to eat.)
Alina says: That's right!
Kaiyu says: So are they both black and red at the same time, or is one black or is one red, or do they change?
Alina says: Ithink he means they're both at the same time. Must be hard to see how big his pupils are.
Kaiyu says: And apparently he's the bastard child of Cruella DeVil. Who actually was a pretty fashionable woman!
Alina says: Ooh...the weapon. it got just as big a paragraph as the personality.
Kaiyu says: Good for him.

Weapon: Twin Katana swords strapped across his back. When he awoke in the Crater, he discovered the swords lying next to him. He does not know how they were forged and he does not know how to recreate them using his powers. All attempts to recreate the weapons have failed, sometimes with painful magical backlashes. They are elegant weapons, with very little in the way of decoration. What sets them apart from other weapons of the same type are their colours. One is black as night, the other seems to glow with the purest white. On each of the blades is inscribed a single name: Yin and Yang. They are constructed of an unknown material, but they are not magical in any way. They simply are. He is quite skilled in their use, though he doesn’t exactly recall learning at the moment.

Alina says: They simply are. (Translation: Who cares? It's cool!)
Kaiyu says: Here comes the mysterious part! They're not magical, but they're just THERE.
Alina says: Like that zit that never goes away...
Kaiyu says: And they creat magical backlashes. BUT THEY'RE NOT MAGIC. I think we're talking about two sets of swords here.
Alina says: The fact that they glow is because he attatched christmas lights to them, I swear!
Kaiyu says: And the backlashes? Static electricity.
Alina says: *zzzt.* Ow! *zzzt.* Ow!
Kaiyu says: On a more technical note, Katana are NOT easy to weild at the same time. Traditionally, they were weilded with both hands; and if one tried to wield two at the same time you'd probably have trouble swinging. So, if one wanted to use two weapons at a time, you'd use a normal katana and a smaller, lighter sword. But this is all passable, because he's a WEAPON and better than you.

Race: Weapon

Alina says: (Just to remind us). He's a noun! run for your life!

Appearance: Alpha Weapon appears as a normal human, clad in black slacks and a white sleeveless shirt. His black hair is always pulled back into a ponytail and it stretches down to the small of his back. He has two tattoos, one on each arm. A Yin symbol on his right arm and the Yang on his left, and the tattoos correspond with which arm wields which weapon. His appearance changes when he begins drawing on the power of the planet, his hair goes the purest silver and his eyes glow a fiery red. He is not happy with this part of his powers and tends to avoid it as much as possible, as he gets embarrassed when people stare.

Kaiyu says: He's a Weapon, not a WEAPON. So we can use him to hit things.
Alina says: Ah, the violence.
Kaiyu says: This is so horribly cliche.
Alina says: Drawing power from the planet...IS AGAINST THE RULES! NOBODY CONTROLS ANY ASPECT OF THE PLANET!
Kaiyu says: (Unless you are a geomancer. And you're not.)

Likes: Protecting the Planet, seeing the world, Nature and meeting new people

Kaiyu says: Also Cliche. This is like putting Likes: Food.
Kaiyu says: Hey! I like eating.
Alina says: I save people. Like me!
Kaiyu says: Elly Likes Eating.
Alina says: LoL. Yes I do.
Kaiyu says: People eat. I figure you eat, too! Who cares?
Alina says: You're better at this than me, no fair! LOL

Dislikes: Mako Energy, People who harm the Planet, Damage to the Planet, Getting confused, and SPIDERS!!!!

Kaiyu says: XP Also cliche.
Alina says: So...he likes the Planet's energy, but hates it, but likes it, but hates it. SUE LOGIC!
Kaiyu says: Like, Likes Peace , Dislikes War.
Alina says: The spiders seems tossed in there arbitrarily.
Kaiyu says: But at least it's different. Try to put some unusual things. Although no one likes getting confused.
Alina says: LoL

Personality: Alpha Weapon, as Blade Silex, is a person who has found himself thrown into a situation in which he never thought he would find himself. Before he was transformed, he was a regular, everyday slob, who loved his job at ShinRa and enjoyed bullying everyone lower then him, who never put trash in its proper place and generally contributed to make the Planet a worse place for everyone. After the transformation, he found that not only had his body changed, his personality had. He now cares for the Planet, because while it is in pain so too is he. He now strives to protect the Planet as best he can, against all aggressors, even if those aggressors have noble intentions. The two personalities, the old and the new, have meshed so as to create the Alpha Weapon as he is today. The slightly bumbling Protector Of The Planet.

Alina says: Sentence fragment. And I see a Bad Excuse for doing Bad Things clause in here.
Kaiyu says: How did he become a Weapon?
Alina says: It's coming, in the history I think.
Kaiyu says: It had better.

History: Blade Silex was born a relatively happy child in the slums of Midgar. His parents both worked for ShinRa, his mother as a cleaner and his father as a data processor in one of ShinRas Data Processing Stations.

Kaiyu says: Where, in fact, data was processed.
Alina says: I'm happy...i live in a house full of broken glass and shattered dreams, but I'm happy!
Kaiyu says: Here's another stereotype: Mothers RARELY have jobs of importance.
Alina says: You're right....They're all still in the 1960s.

His childhood was fairly boring, nothing major occurred. He went through school as a straight C student and finally graduated to join the ShinRa Army, becoming a Private and staying there for many years.

Alina says: That is a good thing. That he's not great at school. Points for that.
Kaiyu says: Although it can be an excuse to let him do stupid things.
Alina says: True...
Kaiyu says: But still, points for not being a supergenius.

It was when he was 27 that his big break came. He was on patrol in the Sector 7 Slums during the Avalanche crisis, patrolling near the entrance to the Sector 8 Slums. Suddenly, over his radio, the call came from his Superiors. “All Troops are ordered to evacuate the Sector 7 Slums. I repeat, all Troops are ordered to evacuate the Sector 7 Slums. Blade didn’t understand why, but the answer soon came as he was making his way to the Sector 8 Slums when the plate above him shuddered. He started running, which soon turned into a mad dash for freedom when he realised the plate was coming down.

Kaiyu says: A mad dash for freedom?
Alina says: Here's the event that connects him to AVALANCHE.
Kaiyu says: He was imprisoned?
Alina says: Freedom from the pancake sector! (As my friend would put it)
Kaiyu says: He was a prisoner...Of yo' loooove, babyyyyyy...

Whilst he was running, a young girl got in his way, crying and screaming. Not even slowing down, he grabbed her and kept running, diving into the Sector 8 Slums. He narrowly avoided being crushed, but the dust storm that kicked up from the impact knocked him and the girl flying through the air. "

Alina says: Flying children! Weeee!
Kaiyu says: And awww! he saved a little girl. What a nice, boring, typical character.
Alina says: Wait a second...Midgar only has 7 sectors! Doesn't it?
Kaiyu says: It has eight, I believe.
Alina says: Okay, never mind.
Kaiyu says: Nine, actually, if you count sector 0.
Alina says: LoL. Ten if you count sector 2.6.
Kaiyu says: No, really! There was a sector 0. It's the upper plate, I think. You climb up thtough the sewers when you go to Midgar the second time and it says "Sector 0" on the menu in the area before the ShinRa building.

He crashed into a wall, breaking his arm, yet the girl was OK. Fortunately for him, this girl was the daughter of one of the higher ups in the ShinRa Army, who had run away from home. In gratitude for Blades work in saving his daughter, he promoted Blade to the rank of Major and Blade was given a place in the President’s Personal Guard, the cushiest job in the whole Army.

Alina says: Oh...
Kaiyu says: But this doesn't matter.
Alina says: (Blade) I'm too stupid to get ahead in life...so I'll just use a plot device...
Kaiyu says: ONE of the cushiest jobs. He's not the only person in the guard. And he's a martyr! He broke his arm doing a good deed! PITY HIM.
Alina says: lol
Alina says: (Like me!)
Kaiyu says: While that's all well and good, I don't see why it's relevant.

He looked forward to a life of luxury and ease, yet not a day after moving to his new quarters, he was ordered to leave Midgar and meet up with the President in Junon. After completing his journey, he was assigned to the President and his staff aboard the Highwind. Their target was the Northern Crater, where they were going to ambush the members of AVALANCHE.

Alina says: It's to show how he got close to Rufus, I think.
Kaiyu says: A little too close?
Alina says: Blablabla...I already know this part....
Kaiyu says: Overweight soldier man x Rufus Yaoi!
Alina says: lol. More martyr stuff coming up...

All went according to plan up until the point when Cloud Strife gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth. Then it all went to hell. When the WEAPONS began to awaken, the ice began to crack and splinter, and in an unusual act of bravery, Blade pushed the President off a piece of ice about to splinter away and fall into the newly opened crack to the Lifestream. Blade fell instead, and there it ended. Or it should have.

Alina says: Damn right. He died. The end.
Kaiyu says: And he saved his one love, President FooFoo ShinRa! Unrequited love's a bitch, ain't it? *Sniffle* That's another thing.
Alina says: What?
Kaiyu says: The RPG has not hosted ONE homosexual character, has it? Tsk tsk. Not very PC.
Alina says: Rojan, if you can count him.
Kaiyu says: Rojan?
Alina says: No black charcters either though.
Kaiyu says: Barret.
Alina says: Original black characters.
Kaiyu says: There we go.
Kaiyu says: And I thought Rojan was straight. O.o
Alina says: I'm not sure....lol
Kaiyu says: I think he is. ^^; Anyway...

When he fell into the Lifestream, he immediately lost consciousness. The Lifestream carried him through its currents until he ended up in the very heart of the Planet itself, its Core. There, he was preserved. The Planet had sensed that its WEAPONS were failing, and it had already begun to desire a new Protector.

Kaiyu says: Normally when you go to the core of the planet you DIE. It's HOT there.
Alina says: It couldn't settle for Cloud, or for some gallant soul from long ago...it settled for the bumbling soldier.
Kaiyu says: It's weapons were failing?
Alina says: *shrugs* Last I checked, they caused plenty of destruction.
Kaiyu says: No way!
Kaiyu says: Did you ever FIGHT Ruby or Emerald?
Alina says: Yes. I beat them. It was hard, but I did it.
Kaiyu says: Granted, they just SAT there, but...I think this Weapon is failing, too. >>;

It didn’t have the strength to make one from scratch as it had with the others, and it used Blades still-living body to forge a new WEAPON with, using the raw materials of the body to construct a WEAPON. Yet Blades soul refused to be snuffed out, and rebelled against the changes. The Planet simply altered his body to create the new WEAPON instead, leaving his frame intact, and granted into Blades (relatively) tiny frame its powers.

Alina says: Rebel against the Planet...sure...
Kaiyu says: They weren't made from scratch.
Alina says: And he isn't tiny if I'm not mistaken dammit!
Kaiyu says: Weren't they dormant in the earth for a long, long time?
Alina says: Yes!
Kaiyu says: And NOW we've gone from Weapon to WEAPON.
Alina says: It gets worse.

For two years the Planet kept the newly forged Weapon in its Core, nurturing and allowing his body to recover while the events unfurled above. Whenever a Weapon was destroyed, Alpha was given a portion of the powers that were returned to the Planet for his own use.

Alina says: Ehehee....no. I don't think so.

During the maturing period all five of the original Weapons were integrated into his body, their powers becoming his, though distilled from their normal intensity. The Planet dubbed him Alpha Weapon, the First Weapon of a new age.

Kaiyu says: If Blade's soul refused to be snuffed, do you honestly think the planet would tolerate having it there?
Alina says: last time Ichecked, WE named the WEAPONS, not the Planet.
Kaiyu says: He's like the annoying houseguest who won't leave!
Alina says: lol
Kaiyu says: So, he has Ruby, Emerald, Diamond, Omega, and Sapphire Weapon's powers. No. Not even DISTILLED. No one is allowed to be that powerful.
Alina says: Hell no. (Distilled WEAPON! Now availible at your local grocer!)
Kaiyu says: Distilled weapon!

It is now two years since Blade re-awoke as Alpha Weapon, expelled from the Lifestream at the very spot he fell in, the Northern Crater. When he awoke, he had no memory of what had happened, or of what he was. He only knew what he was, Alpha Weapon, Protector Of The Planet.

Kaiyu says: Mmm mm good!
Kaiyu says: Then why are we calling him Blade?
Alina says: Because the more names, the better.
Two years since he fell in, 2 years since he awakened, the game is set 2 years since the Meteor Crisis. He was born 2 years before he died!
Kaiyu says: You know, I read a fanfic once where Cid fell in the Lifestream.
Alina says: Was it any good?
Kaiyu says: Yes, actually.
Alina says: Cool then.
Kaiyu says: But he was relatively fuscked up. He'd lost a lot of body pigment, became very weak, looked a good thirty years older...
Alina says: O.o So nothing like...this!

His twin swords lay next to him when he awoke, and he created the clothing he wears now with his powers. His memory slowly returned of what happened and what transgressed, as the Planets memories are his memories too. He remembers things he had never witnessed, and has seen things he has never seen.

Kaiyu says: HE CREATED A KILT! WITH HIS POWERS!
Alina says: He is now the all powerful cloth maker with the memories of the universe!
Kaiyu says: AND A COCONUT BIKINI!
Alina says: LoL

He remembers things he had never witnessed, and has seen things he has never seen. His mind is a shambles at present while his body gets used to the awesome power that has been jury rigged into it. He still doesn’t have full control over the powers that are his. Yet all this will change... hopefully. Yet after all this, deep down, he just wants to be a normal human again, and he often tries to pass himself off as one when possible.

Kaiyu says: The end... or is it!?!?!?
Alina says: The 'I'm really not that cool, really' section.
Kaiyu says: I hate that type of thing.
Kaiyu says: Is this it?

Powers: His powers include the ability to listen to the Planet and interpret its needs, detect where it is being hurt the most and move to act. This includes feeling when creatures have been harmed or killed. He has a link with the Planet and anything that dwells on it, and he is as reliant on the Planet as the Planet is reliant on him.

Kaiyu says: Oh. Damn.
Alina says: Nope, the powers and limit breaks.
Kaiyu says: ~_~;
Alina says: But we'll skip the limits. They speak for themselves.
Kaiyu says: "Can't you feel it, Zack? Can't you feel its pain?"
Alina says: LoL
Kaiyu says: God, I loved that movie. But it won't work here.

He can teleport anywhere he has been instantly and teleport others, though he isn’t very good at it. He can fly, using the wind itself to move him and others through the air. He can travel through the Lifestream, transforming himself into a spirit to flow through it then regenerating his body when he exits the Lifestream. He has all the spells found in normal materia without the materia itself, including a few special tricks of his own. He still doesn’t know the full scope of his powers, though that will change as he evolves through his life.

Alina says: All the experience of an entire game...in zero time!
Kaiyu says: He can teleport anywhere instantly! But not that great! So, he'll get you there in a split seond... but what?
Alina says: If he can teleport, then why does he need to be able to fly?
Kaiyu says: Do you have motion sickness afterward? What??
Alina says: Let's find out...he has a pitiful weakness section.

Weaknesses: Alpha Weapon has a few weaknesses. His inherent human qualities have flaws in them, and they can be exploited. His unconscious desire to protect the Planet at all costs often makes him blind to exactly who he is attacking.

Kaiyu says: Weaknesses: Being too strong, vanity attitude? XP

His sense of trust has been skewed and he often mistrusts those he should and trusts those he shouldn’t. He has a tendency to get confused at the worst of times, as his mind is still struggling with the change. Perhaps his greatest weakness, however, is his allergy to Mako.

Alina says: CONTRADICTION DAMMIT!
Kaiyu says: "He has few weaknesses"? That's a BAD way to start something.

He can only stand pure Lifestream energy, produced by the Planet itself. Anything refined by human technology acts as a poison to him, and whilst he cannot truly be killed, he can be rendered useless. Mako Guns, Mako Fountains, anything created from the Lifestream yet refined and distilled by humanity is like a poison to him. Even Materia like Fire and Bolt that have been mass produced by Mako Machinery have twice the damage effect on him. Only the natural materia have no effect on him.

Alina says: And the difference is....? *shakes her head* Anyways, Limit breaks are usual crap.
Kaiyu says: It's a powerful vice, but carried out terribly.
Kaiyu says: Such as ?
Alina says: Lifestream this...Lifestream that...Judgement Day...
Kaiyu says: Blah.
Kaiyu says: Anything else, or is it grading time?
Alina says: that's about it.
Kaiyu says: Okay.
Alina says: my grade...D+. It has a good length, good writing, but suffers from a bad case of Mary Sue. That just ruins it.
Kaiyu says: This was a long profile, which is good. While there were some really refreshing points, The character is rather dull and uninspired, and screams Gary Sue. However, being the bastard son of Cruella DeVil and with his wonderful taste in kilts and bikinis, I am forced to give him a C-.