Commented on by Kaiyu, Maddie, and Alina.
The Anomaly of Humanity
I don't own the Matrix. Warner Bros. or whoever does. I also don't own Hyrule or anything associated with it. The nice Nintendo people do. I DO own the gurdians and the stuff and theories associated with them. So no stealing or I will sic my radioactive dustbunny socks on you.
Madhatter: Already...sentence fragmentation. AND THIS IS JUST THE FUDGING AUTHOR'S NOTES!
Alina: Radioactive dust bunny? Huh. I'll just unleash my radioactive vacuum cleaner. That'll show it a thing or two!
Madhatter: She owns gurdians though, whatever the hell that is.
Alina: Do we *really* want to know?
Madhatter: They uh....regurgitate stuff?? I dunno...
Alina: Well, might as well plunge in.
And please review! If you leave a signed review, I make it a priority to check out and review whatever you've written. One good turn deserves another after all. Anywho, this is set not long after Reloaded (there may be spoilers in here, I'm not sure) and most of the Matrix cast will be preset at one time or another.
Madhatter: Heh heh... wait till she gets a hold of this review.
Alina: I'm not going there. Too lazy.
Madhatter: Awwwwwwwwww. You're no fun. -_-
This is set mostly in Hyrule, where our dear Matrix patrons will be unceremoniously dumped. Now, onto the prolouge!
Alina: *is very lazy and boring now*
Madhatter: This part makes me want to stab something in the eye with a fork.
Alina: It doesn't seem too bad yet. And I'll probably be regretting those words later, but what the hell.
Madhatter: The Matrix revolved around the story of, "The One." The very fact that she's setting the story in some other world and kicking out the original storyline pisses me off. Not to mention the Trinity and Neo loving.
The time has come when portals have become unstable. In this story the characters of the Matrix are ditched in the world of Hyrule, for better or for worse, to hate and to try to escape, in hunger and in maddening bordem. For in Hyrule, you see, there are no guns.
Alina: (Niobe) No P-90s? Where's the fun in that?!
There are no programs.
Madhatter: So how does the Matrix fit in this, eh? You will soon see the overwhelming idiocy that is performed in the next few lines.
There are no machines of computers. There isn't even electricity. One program in particular will suffer from this displacement. Agent Smith. He is part of something no machine could ever imagine. He is part of a prophecy. He has something no other program can boast of. He has a destiny. He will become the one thing he is sworn to be the cure to. He will become human.
Alina: Why are we being regaled all this information as if it were a really bad voice-over? Can't we just *see* what's going to happen?
Madhatter: You know, if there is no, ya know... "machines," then uh...how the hell is Agent Smith EVEN THERE TO BEGIN WITH? *pants heavily*
Alina: Instant Plot Device: Just add water.
And finally, he will be faced with the one thing he could never understand: Human love. One girl out of 275 has been chosen for Smith. One girl that is chosen to be the Summoner, who must either open the gates between Earth and the Heavens or die trying.
Madhatter: Ya know, I always though Summoners were part of Final Fantasy, not Zelda.
Alina: I was just about to say the same thing. What's a Yevonite doing all the way out in Hyrule?
Madhatter: She called a summon which magically deposited her into the land of Hyrule along with home grown agents from cabbage patches.
Alina: And what's with the 1/275? What is this, a 'date Agent Smith' contest? Man, I wonder how Smithfangirls would react to one of those. O.o;;
Smith will learn to see through the eyes of a scared teenager with more responsiblity than her anorexic little shoulders can bear and she needs someone to help hold the weight. He is hidden behind too high an icy wall and needs someone to melt it.
Alina: Great, she's an anorexic summoner with a martyrdom fetish. Can we get anymore TEENAGE ANGSTY?!1!1oneone
Madhatter: Smith has now digressed into a whiny teenager... and it has now become Joany and Chachi.
The reason oppsites attract is like this: Think of two puzzle pieces. Oppsites each make up for the other's faults.
Alina: *thinks of two puzzle pieces* They don't FIT.
Madhatter: They'll fit. But he had to cut off a limb or two. She's forcing them to fit. In fact, anything in canon of the character Smith has been smoldered and reduced to a quivering pile of those valentine hearts mushed and powdered up.
Alina: And I really don't think we needed an explanation as to why they 'fit.' Everyone over the age of 3 is familiar with the 'opposites attract' relationship theory.
But what will happen now that Smith is dumped into a medieval world, faced with things no program has ever faced before. Humanity, love, responsibility, family, identity... All these things fall under the anomaly of humanity.
Alina: *cracks up* Hyrule? Medieval? Oh PLEASE. I really don't recall giant spiders existing in the Middle Ages.
Madhatter: I'm still trying to figure out how Smith is prancing about all la la la like and how he gained any sort of emotions besides being disgusted with humans.
Alina: Maybe he's just humoring him until he can figure out how to infect them. *shrug*
Madhatter: And now.... MORE AUTHOR NOTES! It's like she can't get enough of these.
Alina: This isn't one of those 'I'll just acknowledge every reviewer and give them special attention that would be best delivered via email but I'll put them here because I'm lazy' is it?
Mesees not own the Matrix or Hyrule. The nice but stingy rich people do. *pouts* I own my 275+ Guardians, and their 2,000 soldiers. And thanks to my 4 reviewers! I give you all virtual Kudos. Now, as I don't own the Matrix of Legend of Zelda stuff, no sue.
Madhatter: Pretty much.
All you'd get are a couple of blisters and an overdue library book. -_-; Yes, well, onto the important stuff.
Lee Jun Fan- Yes, I realize the prolouge was kinda sparse, but how they got there will be explained here. And as for oppsites, well, that wasn't meant sidewise. I meant personality wise. You'll see.
Madhatter: ...and I'm gonna skip over all the rest of it because it's stupid.
Alina: Thank you.
Chapter I- Exiled
Not all of us can choose our paths, but we can choose how to walk it and what shoes to wear.
Madhatter: The title isn't so bad, but since I know what the story is about...well...the gist of it is going to be "angst angst angst and more... angst!"
In the Matrix Smith stood completely unnoticed in the empty room of a building, listening to all the acitivty outside the closed door. They had purpose out there. Even the virus, human filfth they were. It was more than he had at the moment. The rebels had not shown a single face for months. Not once. Without them there, there was nothing to do.
Alina: (Smith) Time for a rousing game of SOLITAIRE!
Madhatter: So far Smith has been able to stay intact, which is a feat for most people who write craptastic fics.
Alina: But on the plus side: Some vocabulary skills!
Madhatter: Now if only he could get over his fear of long sentences and quit with the fragments. *does a dance*
He realized heavilly he was more dependant on them than he had realized. They were giving him purpose. Or had been. Now they had almost ceased activity. Had they decided it was useless? Or were they plotting something bigger? Whatever they were doing out there, they weren't doing it in here. In here he sat down and rested his elbows on his knees.
Madhatter: Umm...question? Didn't he take over someone on the outside? If this is set a little after Reloaded, then I would kinda figure he'd be you know...spying on them or whatnot. And thus the wangst begins.
Alina: Yea, based on that quote about purpose, I'd assume this was after the Burly Brawl, and therefore after he took over Bane, but since the author's made it fairly clear that they're tossing canon out the window....I'm not that surprised.
Madhatter: Makes sense. Once more, Hugo Weaving cries.
"Smith." He looked quickly over his shoulder to see a young woman standing a few feet behind him. She was watching him patiently, her arms crossed over her chest. She wore an ankle-length white skirt with a slit up one side, a white tube top revealing tribal tattoes around her navel, and a white jacket with a gold band tied around her upper left arm.
Alina: She's taking fashion advice from the Glad Man. Depend on it.
"Who are you?" She smiled softly, but remained silent. Slowly, in an almot teasing way, she sauntered over to the large plate-glass window and began tracing out imaginary designs on it. He stood up and walked over to her, reaching for his gun. She was human, but there was something wrong with her code.
Alina: Silly Smith. She's crazy. That's why there's something wrong with her code.
Madhatter: You know, isn't it normal for an agent to do the "shoot first, ask questions later" type of thing unless they are giving out a large explanation or something as canon with all bad guys in action movies?
Something in it didn't quite add up. It wasn't exactly wrong, but it wasn't exactly right either. She seemed to sense she was being thought about and turned to look at him. Above her eyes blue eyeshadow curved mystically, making her look exotic as she watched him now.
Madhatter: Ahhh... nothing like some obligatory eyeshadow to make you exotic.
Alina: And then it hit him - her eyeshadow didn't match her outfit.
Madhatter: (Smith) *puts on red eyeshadow* Does this make me look fat?
"What are you?" She grinned softly and shook her head, leaning against the window. He cocked the gun and pointed it at her head. She merely cocked her own head and grinned impishly. He was growing impatient with the girl.
Madhatter: This is the part where he would shoot her.
Alina: *waits for it* Don't let me down Smith!
"Where is Mr. Anderson?" A look of cunfusion passed over her face and she knitted her brow in thought. Then she shrugged and wrinkled her nose. He squeezed the trigger and the bullet struck her in the chest. She fell back through the plate glass window and into the street below. Smith calmly stepped over to look down. Everything kept on as normal. No body below.
Madhatter: WOOT! And he does it flawlessly! (Except for that pesky little fragment at the end.)
Alina: Yes! But I still have a question: What's a cun, and how do you fuse it?
Another rebel," he muttered and stepped away from the window, turning around. There she stood, smiling cheekily. He took off his sunglasses and tucked them safely in his jacket, anticipating a fight. But she neither advanced nor retreated, simply continued grinning her Cheshire grin.
Madhatter: ATTACK OF THE MAGICAL SUES WITH BLUE EYESHADOW! AND DAMN THE AUTHOR FOR USING ALICE IN WONDERLAND REFERENCES! For this, she must die. Only good fics are allowed to use those references.
Alina: Fear the power of the makeup. It's like makeup in the Sailor Moon universe, I swear. Moon prism power...MAKE UP!
She was now chewing gum, and every now and then popping a large bubble. He aimed his gun at her again, with the intention of starting this fight. She merely continued chewing her gum and smiling. He squeezed the trigger, but it only gave a dismal click. He tried again, but recieved another empty click. Click. Click. Click.
Alina: She doesn't strike me as very angsty. But that's the least of my worries right now: Summoner or not, if you get shot, you DIE.
Madhatter: This is where he throws the gun down and get's into some mighty kung fu action!
Alina: Furthermore, if you fall out of a building, you DIE. Anything else is godmoding unless you're Neo!
Madhatter: Yah... It's her magical makeup. It has to be. I'm waiting for him to make a big breast reference... hehe.
He emptied his gun and looked at the five bullets, then put them back in. She gave him a 'go ahead and try' look. He attempted to shoot her again, but there was only unproductive clicking. She shook her head, causing her whispy blonde hair to bounce. Then she smiled at him again.
Alina: Well, she's starting to annoy me too now.
Madhatter: Well at least it's her hair bouncing and not something else.
Alina: I sympathize with Smith a lot here.
Madhatter: Like I said...this is the part where he throws down the gun and gets into some kung fu action! ^_^
"Everything happens for a reason Smith. All will become clear soon." He put his sunglasses back on and stared at the girl, who was now looking around her curiously. Then she perked up and waved at him, disappearing.
Alina: And....how did she do that? Anyone care to take a stab?
Madhatter: ...... *is trying to keep from stabbing her eyes.... body shaking... anger rising...* She has magical Sue powers remember? The make-up of doom has encoded her with magical disappearing, gun stopping action.
Alina: Right. Sorry, I forgot. I kept thinking we might be in canon here.
Suddenly everything around him seemed to disappear with the girl. It felt like he was being sucked down into a vortex. Everything around him was a swirl of blue and purple, laced with black. He was falling rapidly, being pulled along by an unseen force. A force more powerful than him. It didn't seem possbile, something more powerful than an agent.
Madhatter: Poss "BILE" sounds right.
Alina: Canon rape! She's committing canon rape! She's making interdimensional wormholes! Bad!
Madhatter: WOOT! Swirls of blue and purple now where lacy black! I'm personally fond of white lace.
But there was, and now he had fallen into what looked like a hallway. He was slowly floating down the middle of it, looking around. The 'walls' were pastels of purple and blue, but the circular 'doors' were white and red and had symbols above them, he guessed to be like addresses. There was a long strip that he suposed was like the floor, that was also white and red.
Madhatter: The author really needs to learn how to use punctuation.
Alina: If those red and white symbols are stargate addresses, I'm going to freak. Stargate is my latest fandom obsession, and I shall protect it! *waves flag*
Madhatter: HAIL TO THEE! For we are SHEILDMAIDENS OF DORKDOM!
He was floating along a path tracing out this strip. Smith had no control as to where he was going though, and drifted helplessly along. Gradually he began to realize he was floating in the direction of a particular door with a strange symbol above it. It was large triangle with a slightly smaller one inside, so as to make it look like there were three triangles in the large one.
Alina: Gee, I WONDER what that means. Looks like he's as helpless as us. Sorry man!
Madhatter: As well: Smith no longer had control of his bowel functions.
Also, while the three surrounding triangles were gold, the middle one was uncolored. Under the symbol, there were letters etched in it that constantly changed, seemingly from one dialect to another, until it passed through a recognizible French. The word read 'Hyrule- The Land of the Triforce.'
Madhatter: Hyrulians now officially speak French.
He was moving towards it, and wondered vaugely what would happen to him there, for now in front of the 'door' he was about to enter, there was a figure. It was a female figure, though nothing was recognizible. No face, no clothes, no nothing. But a seamless, solid figure of opalesque light. Long 'hair' could be distunguished as she moved slightly.
Madhatter: I wouldn't quite wonder "vaguely." I'd be like, "WHAT THE FUCK???!!"
Alina: I would be too.
Madhatter: You know, you'd think he'd try everything in his power to uh...get away?
Alina: Yes. Which only adds to the absurdity of it all.
He realized if she either didn't move, or he didn't stop, he'd hit her. But he couldn't quite bring himself to speak, so he remained silent. She reached out to him and took his head in her hands.
Madhatter: (Smith) AHHHH! SHE'S GOING TO TAKE MY SOULLLL!!! <---- Out of canon, I know. But damnit! It has to be said!
*She is waiting for you on the other side. Do not be afraid.* Her voice was soft and sweet, comforting and gentle. How had this woman known he was afraid? He hadn't even, not until now. But now fear crept into him like water soaking into a rag. It filled his being and caused a cold sweat to break out on his body. The woman floating aside and opened the door.
Alina: I'm starting to think it's....whatshername? Nayru? The Triforce goddess of love?
Madhatter: I don't think, you know, that Agents sweat. Well...at least like that, because with those suits and as much as they run around...you'd think they would have some serious B.O.
Alina: They use Old Spice.
He was drawn towards it and into it. Smith passed through the doorway and was instantly surrounded by opal light. Both pain and warmth filled his being and he tried to cry out, but no sound came. He was suspended in mid-float, trapped in this opal glare. But suddenly he was moving down, and rapidly. Head first. He was shooting downwards in a white vortex.
Alina: He had been shrunk to the size of a cricket and was currently fighting for his life in the cosmic toilet bowl.
Madhatter: Once again we have changed the Matrix to...*dun dun dun* The Men in Black.
Gradually, colors became visable until suddenly he was falling in the rain, and heading rapidly towards the ground.
Alina: (Smith) This is a revolting shade of green.
Madhatter: Can you fall into rain? I think that feat is quite...impossible? Even for an Agent.
Alina: I guess you could, if you fell upwards, you know, in the opposite direction of gravity.
Smith hit the ground painfully, face down in an absurdly large puddle of mud. He managed to roll over and take a deep breath as pain assulted his back and head. Smith just lay there for several moments, alternately gasping for air and choking on the thickly downpouring rain. All was quiet execpt for the patter of rain and the closing in roll of thunder. But wait. Thunder didn't move that fast.
Alina: It was SUPERMAN!
No no no... thunder moves slowly. That's why no one gets hit by lightning. Yup.
That's gotta be it.
(Smith) I remember being face down like this before. Why is this so familiar? Oh, right...that final battle with Neo...
Alina: Maybe he's been thrown forward in time as a joke!
As the noise got closer, he realized that it wasn't thunder. It was the hooves of a mighty large horse. He opened his eyes slightly to see a large black horse plant an even larger hoof next to his head, far too close to his ear.
Alina: (Horse) Damn! Missed his head. Stupid eyesight.
Madhatter: (Horse) I AM LIGHTNING!
"Woah! Easy Thunder! Easy boy! Woah there!" The horse's rider reined in the horse and held it still, at a more comfortable distance. Smith now lay perfectly still, hoping they would leave him alone. There were two riders, he could tell that now, and the lighter one dismounted first.
Madhatter: My. What a convenient name.
Alina: And the boy was named....LIGHTNING!
Madhatter: More subtle cynicism! I command you to laugh!
Good Faore! This place is a wreck!" It was a female, the same one that he had seen in the Matrix.
"Bombing, eight hours worth," a male voice answered as he dismounted. They were very close to him and sooner or later would notice him.
"I think we found one," the male said. Sooner. "I think he's dead." Someone knelt beside him and removed his sunglasses.
"See? His eyes are moving. He's alive.
Alina: How very perceptive. The kid should consider a career in medicine.
Madhatter: Ummm...what are they talking about?
Alina: I have absolutely no idea. Maybe the author's copyrighted PLAN!?
Madhatter: Talk about bad story transition.
Or he's a Redead." He opened his eyes to look at the impudent girl squatting beside him.
"I am not a 'Redead', whatever that may be." She turned and smiled at her companion.
"He's alive Matt." Matt nodded and helped Smith to stand.
Madhatter: I have no said comment to this.
Alina: Same. It's in-character for Smith, to say the least. Good job!
"Can't lounge in the mud all day," he remarked dryly. The girl remounted her horse and so did the boy.
"We should take him back to the compound," the girl said softly to the boy.
"Compound? What are you people talking about?" he floundered, looking at them. The boy raised an eyebrow at her.
"^ Er no'ysvar bi lota.^" (he shouldn't be here). The girl wrinkled her nose at him.
Alina: I wonder what gave it away - the clothes or the hair.
Madhatter: Or them there sunglasses. OR THE FACT THAT HE WAS MADE FROM A FRIGGIN MACHINE!
Alina: There's that too.
"^ E fer en'tracede commis'e!" (I was following orders!) she retorted angrily.
"^Ka'unna.^"(whatever) He rolled his eyes. She glared at him, but turned back to Smith.
"Sorry. Can you ride a horse?" He nodded and mounted behind her. She took this oppurtunity to give him his sunglasses back. He took them stiffly from her small hand and put them on.
Alina: (Smith) But of course I can ride an equine beast. It is a crucial part to all Agent training simulations.
Madhatter: (Smith) As well as master kung fu, jump 20 feet into the air, and smash cars when I land on them. Oh! But wait...you are simpleton living beings. You would not understand what a car is. Stupid fucking humans.
"Look, I'll explain everything once we're safe. Right now we're in enemy territory, and lucky not to be discovered. So we've gotta hurry. You'd better learn forward with me," she said softly as she leaned forward a bit farther on the massive horse. He obeyed grudgingly and leaned forward a bit more. It came, completely unbidden, to his mind that she smelled like the ocean.
Madhatter: Why did that whole paragraph made me think of something extremely dirty?
Alina:....You're right. It's full of sexual innuendoes. Like Jack and the Beanstalk.
Madhatter: I just saw the words, "It came" and went brain went, "gutter."
But he shook his head slightly and cleared his mind of these thoughts as they thundered across the rolling green plain. The rain continued to pour down on them as they seemed to be nearing their destination. Suddenly she wiggled a bit and touched something behind her ear.
Madhatter: I think the author meant 'rear,' not ear. *laughs like Beavis*
Alina: It was.....a....a......*falls short* what would you keep behind your ear?
"Yeah?" she asked. Matt's voice floated into the air.
"Bad news. The bridge's out. Rain can make it, but Thunder can't. He's overloaded to make that sort of jump. The good-for-nothing carpenters will start work on it as soon as the rain lets up. But you'll be across before then. Right?" he asked hopefully.
"No such luck. I used up too much energy making that projection. I can't teleport.
Alina: Well, at least we know where they're headed yet, assuming we're using the Ocarina of Time world.
Wait wait wait. Are they using some type of intercom? I thought the author you
know said there was no technology at all in this world.
Alina: Wait! I see where this is going! Smith and the chick with no name are going to end up ALOONE together in the RAAAAIN.
We'll have to wait."
"You can't! After the bombing they swarm like flies and they'll find you! They'll kill you!" She laughed softly.
"It'll be okay," she said comfortingly, "we'll make it across somehow. We've reached the entrance of the valley now." She pressed the device (Smith couldn't see it) and silence ensued. Smith could tell they were in the desert.
Alina: ALOOONE in the RAIAAIN = WAAAANGST. ALOOOONE in the DEEEESERT= WAAANGST.
Madhatter: *plays some cowboy western music* Boy, they contradicted everything the Author said in the Author's thing.
Alina: Really? I didn't notice; my brain must be shutting down.
The grass had faded off to unrelieved dirt and a few straggling bushes.
"This's Gerudo Valley," she said cheerfully, as if she had sensed his thoughts. Up ahead, he heard a raging river. She spurred her horse along toward the noise and moved deeper in the valley.
Alina: Wait a minute....there's DIRT under plants? When was someone going to tell me?!
Madhatter: That paragraph wouldn't be so bad if it was for the fact this was a Matrix/Zelda fic. And that they destroyed the character Smith.
Alina: Yes. Other than the silly last sentence in the previous paragraph, it fits Zeldafandom quite well.
Madhatter: *nod nod nod*
He peered over her shoulder to get a better look at the valley, but all he saw was a huge gap ahead of them with a broken bridge trying to span it. The roaring noise was getting louder by the second and now Smith felt a little uncomfortable.
Alina: Smith had a terrible secret - he didn't know how to swim.
Madhatter: It made him pee in his pants. Cuz you know gushing water does that.
"The gap-" he started, but she cut him off with a crafty grin.
"I see it. Don't worry, I can get us across."
"He said we are carrying too much weight. We can't make it across," he said, a small note of panic in his vote. As hard as he tried, these tiny human emotions kept popping up, and he kept fighting them down.
Madhatter: Smith, played by a 12 year old boy visiting puberty.
Alina: I'm starting to wonder how hippie chick is going to defy the Hyrulian laws of physics, which are comparable to ours.
Madhatter: She's a Sue you silly wench! What laws of physics?
"Nothing is ever 100%. There's always an exception. And I'm making this one!" She replied, spurring the horse on.
"Lean," she commanded softly, and he obeyed in the best interest of his life. His forehead now rested lightly against the nape of her neck as he gripped her shoulder a little tighter unconsciously, while the river neared ever closer.
Alina: Wait for the next sentence before commenting!
Her hair began tickling his nose and he abruptly sat up a bit.
Alina: (Smith) Is that...Pantene Pro-V?!
Madhatter: (Smith) I shall now attempt to lean, but in doing so hair tickled my nose causing me to sit up and thus denying our victory of crossing this vast wild river. If we land, I hope it covers my pee stains.
"Hey hey! Be still!" she complained as the gap came under them. They went flying across it. For ages it seemed, the pristine water roared under them. Suddenly the miles-away cliff was under them, and with a great jolt they landed on the other side safely. The horse, seemingly proud of itself, pranced concietedly on the solid ground.
Alina: So the horse jumped...several miles? Oookay. I mean, even medieval writers didn't exaggerate as much as this.
Madhatter: While prancing about the horse threw off its occupants, and unknowingly pranced them to death.
Alina: And there was much rejoicing.
"See there? I told you so." He grunted as she steered the horse down a small slope into the Gerduo Compound. The large stone building rose before them as people milled around.
Alina: Is it Smith that's saying I told you so, or the chick?
Madhatter: Okay... I thought the chick was leading the horse. I'm confuzzled.
Alina: Me too....*confused* Oh well.
Most of them were darkly tanned with flaming red hair*, but some were lighter skinned with varying shades of hair and eyes. As he gazed around, he longed for the Matrix. He was not trapped in a medieval nightmare, riding behind an adolescent female youth (Agent for teenage girl) that had been dragging him all over the blasted place.
Madhatter: Oh wait. I misconstrued that sentence. I though it read, "riding an adolescent female youth."
Alina: These sentences make less and less sense. Why did the author create a passive negation sentence without a comparative clause to complete it? /grammarwhore
Now they rounded a bend and wer approacing two large wooden gates. Two large men stood guarding it, both holding large swords.
Alina: And now letters start to disappear. Oh e and h, where are yoooou?
Madhatter: (Writer)"I don't think they need that extra e. Let's just take it out! Oh! And that h too!"
Alina: It's like Scrabble.
"^Ferdei! Usada sefnam!^" (Halt! Identify yourself!) She took of her right-hand grip and showed the man something on her palm.
"^Enamu Diana. ER ei Smith." (I am Diana. He is Smith.) The man nodded.
Alina: Any clue as to what language this is? I don't recognize it. Wait....aw crap. Ten bucks says she's got a Triforce piece emblazoned on her hand.
Madhatter: Or it's like well hidden on her forehead.
Alina: Underneath the mounds of makeup.
Madhatter: No no...it's that extra flap of skin that Mary Sue's wear on their head until the right moment to make it magically appear.
This fic currently contains 26 obvious spelling mistakes that could've been easily corrected by SPELLCHECK!