Do you take this Agent?

By LagunaLoire / Zelgadis Greywood

Commented on by Kaiyu, Madhatter and Alina.

Madhatter: Well let's get to burninating!

Alina: Sure, after we send our frustrations on this ...Charming piece.


Alina: It is entitled.... Do You Take This Agent *snickers*

Madhatter: Do you Take This Agent.... to be your bride?

Alina: Dare I answer that question?

Kaiyu: Urgh. Vomit.

Madhatter: Do you take this agent to have homoerotic sex in Pepto Bismol?

Kaiyu: Shut up, Maddie! It could be another Smith/Neo slashfic! ;.;

Madhatter: Gomen!

The Matrix Do You Take This Agent...? by Zelgadis Greywood at Yahoo dot com. Disclaimer: The Matrix, Agent Smith, and anyone from the Matrix Trilogy are not mine. The Matrixi, however, were created by me.

Alina: By the way, there is no formatting in this thing. Just en endless paragraph.

Madhatter: As long as their aren't magnificent dragons or phoenixes I'm fine.

Alina: Let's take potshots at the Matrixi!

Kaiyu: This is why characters from anime series shouldn't write fanfics.

Alina: Unless they are writers as characters.

Madhatter: Yah know... if they wanted to be a character from a random series they could at least say or spell their names correctly.

Kaiyu: And even then it's iffy.


Alina: On the site I found this on (which wasn't ffnet!), their name is LagunaLoire.

Madhatter: At least they spelt it right... *kicks them*

Neo's fingers flew over the keyboard of the terminal he'd rigged up in his room. It was his own terminal, unlinked to both the Matrix and Zion. The program was almost done.

Madhatter: Er...I never realized that Zion was linked...

Alina: (Neo) Yay! Another ambiguous magic program! Behold the glory of PONG! ^_^

Madhatter: I thought that was the real world...

Alina: They're not linked to both Zion and the Matrix. That would be really stupid, because then once you found a ship, you could piggyback to the source, Zion.

Madhatter: So he's floating in some nonexistent plane?

Alina: No, I think he's on the Neb. Note 'his room".

Kaiyu: He's in a box, wrapped in a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma.

Madhatter: Exactly.

Kaiyu: Wrapped in Christmas paper.

Madhatter: With a pretty bow! Goodness knows I'd like to have Neo wrapped in a bo... oh wait a minute... ehehehe... back onto the subject...

Alina: *looks up from her poster collection of Neo* What were we talking about now?

He'd been studying the Agents' program patterns ever since he'd found he could see them as they truly were.

Alina: Which was.... what exactly?

Madhatter: They were big purple dinosaurs.

To counter them, he'd created a program which would create a an object that would, if it worked properly, counter an Agent's every move. If this prototype, which he was working on with Agent Smith in mind, was successful, he would create programs to counter the other Agents as well.

Madhatter: a an?

Alina: And why would he choose to work on Smith? How did he come back?

Kaiyu: Slashfic.

Alina: (Someone saw the trailer but didn't use their brain).

Madhatter: Yah. Well, his grammar isn't too bad.

Alina: No. But it's a fawking pain to read. x.x

"Lunch time," Trinity called in. "your favorite!" "Oh, yummy." Neo saved the program and moved it to a disk to install it into the Matrix. Swinging by the main deck of Morpheus's hovercraft, he uploaded the new program, then headed to the cafeteria.

Alina: Please excuse me while I run off to vomit at Trinity's characterization as a happy housewife.

Madhatter: At least he didn't exempt Trinity eh, eh, eh?

Alina: least. Because then I'd have to hurt someone.

Kaiyu: No, he just raped her, mentally tortured her, and then reduced her into a quivering pile of fluffy pink refuse.

Madhatter: And how could she had made his favorite anyway? Weren't what they were eating that weird gooey oatmealy stuff...

Alina: Yea!

Madhatter: If they had chickens on the Neb... that would be interesting...

Alina: I can picture roaches. They can survive anything.

Madhatter: Bok bok... BOKKA!
(Trinity) SHUT UP CHICKEN!! *breaks its neck*

Kaiyu: Trinity, as played by Mrs. Cleaver.

"So, what was the program you're working on?" Trinity asked. "I call it the Matrixi," Neo replied. "it's basically an anti-Agent program designed to destroy an Agent based on the matter versus antimatter principle." "I hope it works," Tank took another spoonful of what Neo still thought was what a scientist might get if they tried to make tapioca puddling in a petri dish.

Alina: *giggles*

Kaiyu: The Matrixi, the Matrix's giggly schoolgirl cousin.

Madhatter: .... that last part confuzzles me...

Alina: Matter vs. Antimatter....does he even comprehend the basics of this? When the two meet, things EXPLODE. Smart.

Neo stepped away from the phonebooth in the department store. He was on his way outside when he spotted an all too familiar face. Backing up, he took a second look to make sure of what he was seeing. "Mr. Anderson," Agent Smith was smiling as the tailor fitted his tuxedo. "I didn't expect to see you around here."

Alina: I forgot the transition marker, but it was there.

Madhatter: I'm trying to figure out something... if they ate the 'cream of wheat' or whatever... was Trinity being sarcastic? It sure didn't seem like it...

Alina: The world may never know, Maddie.

Madhatter: Agent Smith in a tux? What happened to the scary suits?? It's the suits that make the agents!! And the spiffy glasses!

Alina: Smith bought his tux at a department store? Man, what a cheapie.

Kaiyu: Agent Smith isn't automatically trying to kill Neo? SLASHFIC.

Alina: Kaiyu, despite the fact that it looks like BadSlash, it ain't. It's worse.

Madhatter: Question!! *raises hand* Is Neo "The One" in this fic or not?

Alina: I'd say "yes" because I haven't seen Apoc or Switch or Mouse or any of the rest of the Neb crew. But this is pure speculation.

Madhatter: Well, Morpheus kinda disappeared too...

Alina: True....He's easily forgotten, have you noticed?

Kaiyu: They needed to not kill Mouse. I would have liked the Matrix more if Mouse was not of the dead persuasion.

Madhatter: I second that notion.

Kaiyu: On the other hand, there would have been tons of bad Neo/Mouse slash. (Not that there isn't already. x.x)

Madhatter: Good point...

Alina: I dunno...I liked Switch the most of the dead gang.

Madhatter: Switch was cool looking, but she didn't seem to have a major part in the movie... Did she even have a speaking line?

Alina: A few. She had more in the initial scripts.

Madhatter: You're right though, it seems Morpheus is easily forgettable in these fics even though he's one of the key figures in the Matrix.

Alina: Exactly.

"Since when did you become a small-talker?" Neo asked. "And what's with the tuxedo? You think you're James Bond or something?" "It's for my wedding, actually." "What?" Neo croaked out, unable to believe what he had just heard. Agent Smith's expression could not have been more delighted if he had just found out that his side had won the war. "I'm getting married, Mr. Anderson."

Madhatter: ........................

Alina: (Sees in Kaiyu's head) (Smith) TO YOOOOOU, my bitch! (Just kidding!)

Madhatter: I REFUSE to even say anything about that...

Kaiyu: Why? I mean, why do they do this? Do they like to make me bleed?

Madhatter: Because he's gonna bust out the chick from the first one.


Alina: I don't know why, but EVERYONE wants to 'humanize' the Agents. Make them softer, more cuddly nemeses.

Madhatter: No way! Agent Smith was reduced to an elf! *huggles Elrond*

Alina: Elrond and Smith do NOT mix. And when I see the fic that tries to mesh them, I will cry. And I know it's coming. (Actually, it's here already).

Go to Part Two (Or Three)!