Department of Bad Matrix Fanfiction

You think you've seen bad fanfiction?

Unless you've read these, you ain't seen nothing yet.


1. I didn't write these fics. Thank God.

2. Larry and Andy Wachowski made the Matrix. I'm just doing this for the amusement of fans everywhere.

3. I can't say that this was strictly my idea. It's not. I'm a copying sinner...who credits! This is the result of reading too many episodes of Protectors of the Plot Continuum, The List, Godawful commentaries, Byl Glinka's Parody of Matrix Fan fiction, and MSTs. And so they deserve all our worship. Bow, damn you. Now.

The Stories From the Bowels of the Dumspter! (Skip to the newest one)

  1. Episode 1: New Destiny (I like the old one better).
    Join Alina through a posthumosly-tagged Alternate Universe fic where a self-contradicting daughter of Agent Smith gets the plot (and all the characters) to revolve around her. Face the dilemma of a lifetime - having Switch & the crew live, but in a world where Trinity doesn't exist and Morpheus sleeps with Neo through a grammatical error.

    Wow, tough choice.

    Rating: BONFIRE

  2. Episode 2: rootmatrixreboot (Can I reboot the fic too?).
    It's a story about...vagueness. Vague angst, vague events in the past, vague grammar, and glaringly clear plot holes, because there is no plot. It's vaguely about Neo staring at a box filled with stuff.

    Rating: F

  3. Episode 3: Do you take this Agent? (Away, preferably?)
    The entire cast of the Matrix has been replaced by a bunch of OOC stand-ins. Be afraid of the Happy Homemaker Trinity, the Forgotten Morpheus, Agents talking like goons, and Agent Smith dressed up in a tuxedo from Sears. Why? Because he's about to marry A) Neo, B) A Sue, or C) Neo's potentially Suvian daughter. You choose.
    Chapter One
    Chapter Two
    Chapter Three

    Rating: BONFIRE

  4. Episode 4: Hilary Duff Reloaded (Oh my God! You killed Frankie Muniz! You bastard!)
    This trashing session is rated R.
    Alina, Kaiyu, and Matrix fanfiction author Gypsy brave Reloaded's first troll fic - a fic intentionally written badly so that the author can go after people who complain. It has little to do with the Matrix...and a lot to do with Sues, giving head, and Frankie Muniz. Don't say we didn't warn you.
    Chapter One
    Chapter Two

    Rating: NUKE

  5. Episode 5: A Cozy Little Matrix 2: The Smith Family Matrix (And then... An Agent popped out of the carriage and shot them!)
    WARNING: This piece contains SPOILERS for the Matrix Reloaded. DO NOT read this until you have seen the movie.
    Alina and Maddie brave another story by the author who brought us Do You Take This Agent? Stars not only Trinity's replacement, the Tranity, but the Noone and some Smiths acting like they're in a bad episode of Will and Grace.


  6. Episode 6: Forever Mine (By all means, please keep it!)
    WARNING: Mild SPOILERS for the Matrix Reloaded.
    In order to create necessary angst for Neo and Trinity to wallow in, Persephone captures Neo and restrains his One Powers with a wooden door. Trinity subsequently goes out of character and is angtified by Cypher, making her a damsel in distress. Ye-haw.


  7. Episode 7: The Anomaly of Humanity (Last time I checked, Smith wasn't human!)
    Smith is kidnapped from the Matrix and brought to Hyrule by Diana, a young girl who possesses more powers than you can shake a stick at. She needs his help because Hyrule's been overrun by evil undefined forces and a pantheon of deities that have nothing to do with the Legend of Zelda. It's powergaming at it's best, people.
    Part One
    Part Two

    RATING: Kaiyu - F, Maddie - BURN, Alina - F.

  8. Episode 8: Another Chance (Another chance to rape the fandom!)
    WARNING: This fic is Rated NC-17 (Yes, I know the author rated it PG-13, but I think it's at least an R or NC-17). If you're not 17 or 18, you shouldn't be reading this and I'm not responsible if you do.
    Ten years after Revolutions, a pod-born named Anastasia suddenly decides that she's Trinity resurrected because someone says she looks like her. She then decides that the random coppertop Sloan Sebastian is Neo, and they must therefore go forth and have sex. Those Romanovs always did have a flare for the dramatic.
    Special guest mocker TrinTinu.

    RATING: Alina - D-, TrinTinu - F.

Everything has been said before
Nothing left to say anymore
For it's all the same
You can ask for it by name:
Rebel, rebel, bitch, bitch
Rebel, rebel, party, party
Sex, sex, sex, and don't forget the violence!
Bla bla bla, I got your lovey-dovey Sentinel, and stick your stupid slogan and everybody sing along!
~Marilyn Manson, This is the New Shit (From the Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack..ehee)

Go Backwards!